


Tucker Is A Four Letter Word

by motherbearof3



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Living Together, Mini Dodds didn't die, Relationship of Convenience, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-01-24 01:17:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21329857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherbearof3/pseuds/motherbearof3
Summary: Set post S17E17: Manhattan Transfer when Olivia breaks Barba’s heart.Benson discovers she is pregnant with Tucker’s baby.
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Ed Tucker, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 105
Kudos: 145





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was never a fan of Tuckson and decided to try something completely new to put Benson and Barba together. 
> 
> Fair warning, as the title says Tucker is a four letter word in this. 
> 
> As always, thanks to Dick Wolf et al for letting me play with their characters!

"You and I are done talking."

Barba's words and his face, with those beautiful green eyes trying and failing to hide his hurt, were burned into Olivia’s memory. 

She hadn’t wanted him to find out about her and Ed Tucker like that. But when he insinuated the IAB Officer might have something to do with the deaths of the teenage girls who attended the school where his cousin Father Eugene worked, she instinctively defended her lover. As soon as the words were out, though, she knew she’d opened the door, so she begged Barba to not ask her to answer the question when he asked if she and Tucker were involved. But they knew each other too well and he saw it in her eyes, just as she had seen his reaction.

Then he reported the relationship to 1PP. Out of spite or duty, she wasn’t sure, but it resulted in her being removed as commander of SVU and left without a lover or a friend. Tucker ended it with her, being more concerned about his job even though in the end they proved he had no involvement; and Barba stopped speaking to her except when absolutely necessary.

"It's not like we were serious," Tucker had said.

"Right," she'd agreed with him, even though her stomach was churning with hurt and disappointment. She'd thought they were. She'd thought maybe Tucker was a man she could make a future with. 

So when at her annual exam six weeks later, her gynecologist told her she was pregnant, Olivia went to him and shared those feelings. She was shocked when he had no interest in being a father and, in fact, blamed her for the pregnancy and encouraged her to terminate. 

"You already have Noah. Do you really need another child?" the silver haired captain had said in a tone that flirted with condescension. "Isn't being a single mother to one hard enough? Besides, at your age, think about all the risks of the child not being normal."

The harshness of his words and his attitude had taken her breath away and all she could do was stare at him. When he realized he might have overstepped and offered to go with her for the procedure, Olivia shook off the hand he’d put on her arm and told him in no uncertain terms that he needn't concern himself about anything. She left the restaurant, saying a prayer of thanks she’d decided to meet him in public rather than her apartment. It was only after walking what felt like hours she found herself on the block where Rafael lived. She knew his address only from sharing cabs; she’d never actually been in his apartment. Gazing up at the building, Olivia wondered if any of his windows overlooked the street.

“Liv?”

She lowered her gaze to see Rafael approaching. He was dressed casually and carrying reusable grocery totes. If she hadn’t been so upset, the sight of him being domestic would have made her laugh and comment on it. As it was, she managed a small smile.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I was just -- taking a walk,” she hedged.

His eyes narrowed as he read her body language and knew she was lying.

“Try again, Lieutenant.”

As he said it, Rafael was trying not to hope she had actually been outside his building because she wanted to see him. After work. On a Friday. And not about a case. Contrary to what he’d been trying to convince himself for almost two months, the leader of Manhattan SVU had broken his heart that day in his office when she told him not to ask her if she was involved with Ed Tucker. For more than a year they’d been growing steadily closer, and if they weren’t who they were and did what they did, he’d have asked her out long ago. But they were and they did so he hadn’t and he contented himself with working lunches and a commiserating drink after a bad case before she headed home to Noah and he to his empty apartment. But even that had stopped after he found out about her and that prick from IAB. Of course, if he was honest with himself the fact that he had disclosed the relationship instead of letting them do it might have been a contributing factor. Not to mention he had been childishly ignoring her; going through her detectives and Carmen unless it was unavoidable. But now here she stood, looking like something heavy was weighing on her mind that brought her to his apartment, and trying to pass it off like she was just out for a stroll. Blocks and blocks from her own place. Before she could reply, heavy, fat Spring raindrops began to fall. Shifting his groceries, one of his large hands easily accommodated all the bags and he took her arm.

“Let’s go inside before we get soaked.”

He led the way up the stairs, releasing her for a moment to fish his keys with the security fob from his pocket to unlock and open the door. Holding it with his shoulder, he grasped her arm again and steered her through, because she didn’t look like she’d have moved on her own accord. Having been caught in the lie created a deer in the headlights expression as her brain scrambled for another reply. A gust of wind pushed the door closed behind them with a slam and the sound made Olivia jump and regain some of her composure.

“I don’t want to bother you, Barba. If you’re having people over or something.”

She indicated the bags in his hand. He laughed.

“Hardly. Half of this is for my mother. She likes the Whole Foods store down the street but won’t come here to shop, so I’m her delivery service every other week. Except for eggs. Forty six years old and she thinks I can’t carry a bag with eggs in them. Just because one time Eddie and I raced home from the store and all of them were cracked.”

Now he steered her toward the elevator, wondering what was keeping her from even smiling at his childhood story.

“Come on. Her coconut and almond milk ice cream is going to melt if we keep standing here discussing my lack of a social life. Although for the life of me I don’t understand how it can be called ice cream.”

The doors opened. A couple stepped out and Barba and they exchanged the perfunctory head bob greeting between neighbors who recognize but don’t really know each other, before he and Olivia stepped into the lift. Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t realize how many floors they were going up until the doors opened again and it announced “tenth floor”. Out came his keys again to unlock the door and he gestured her inside.

“Make yourself at home. I have to at least put the ice cream in the freezer,” Rafael said, hurrying away from her in the direction of what she presumed was the kitchen. 

Olivia stepped off the slate entryway floor onto gleaming hardwood and followed him down the short hallway that opened into a living area with a vaulted ceiling that was separated from the kitchen by a raised counter with seating; much like her own apartment. The difference here was the size. His galley kitchen was twice hers and the living area easily more than double. She imagined the rent was as well. Beyond the kitchen was another hallway and on the other side of the room a set of circular stairs. She wondered if it led to his bedroom. Thoughts of a bedroom brought her mind back to why she ended up outside what felt like forever ago but was actually less than twenty minutes and was suddenly overcome with the urge to flee. Rafael turned from his refrigerator and again read her face and body language.

“Sit down, sit down. Can I get you a drink? I think I have a bottle of wine somewhere.”

“No. Thanks. Water would be good though.”

Olivia unbelted her long raincoat and shrugged out of it, draping it over a nearby chair. The room was curiously appointed. It was a mix of high end and what looked like old-fashioned furnishings. She wondered if the older pieces had been his grandmothers and sank down into a leather chair that was comfortable yet supportive.

“Just water? Would you prefer scotch?” 

Rafael rounded the bar with a tumbler of scotch in one hand and water in the other. He placed the water in front of her on the coffee table and took the matching chair to her left. She picked up the water and took a sip, moistening her suddenly parched throat. Placing it back down on the table, she met his eyes.

“I can’t,” she blurted. “I’m pregnant.”

Once the words were out, they just kept coming.

“It’s Ed’s. He ended things after you disclosed our relationship and now he wants me to have an abortion. He asked me if having just one child wasn’t enough and that I need to remember at my age, the baby could have a birth defect.”

She stopped for a breath and laughed. To her own ears it was a harsh and mirthless. 

“Like I don’t know how old I am every time I look in the mirror.”

“Pregnant?” Barba echoed back at her. “With Tucker’s baby?”

Olivia nodded and reached for the water again. This time, her hand shook and she abandoned the action. Saying the words to someone other than Tucker and hearing them repeated back to her suddenly drove home the reality of it all. Her eyes filled with tears and she looked at the man opposite her. The one with whom she trusted to share all this information.

“What am I going to do, Rafael?”

He took a gulp of his own drink, the burn reminding him this was not a dream. That the woman he had unrequited feelings for just told him she was pregnant with another man’s child. Seeing the tears in her eyes threw him. He’d never seen her cry before. Pulling his handkerchief from his pocket, he held it out to her. She took it and dried her eyes.

“What do you want to do, Liv?”

“I don’t know!”

She covered face with her hands and began to cry.

Barba dropped to his knees in front of her and put his arms around her. Her tears threw him. Where was the strong, decisive, opinionated woman he knew and loved? They had never embraced before and she was surprised at how strong his arms felt around her, creating a sense of security. It was a feeling she’d never had with Tucker. Olivia sat back in the chair and wiped her face again.

“I’m sorry.”

He let her pull out of his arms, and settled for taking her hand in his. The clock over her shoulder in the kitchen reminded him it was past dinner and additional conversation might be improved with food.

“Have you eaten?”

Olivia shook her head.

“No, I fed Noah before I went to meet Ed. I couldn’t. I was too nervous.”

“You just told him today? No, don’t answer that yet.”

Rafael pushed to his feet and pulled her upright. 

“I’m going to make us something. Come keep me company.”

“I’d like to freshen up.”

“Of course.The guest room and bath is the first door on the right,” he told her, pointing down the hall. “Take your time.”

So his bedroom was upstairs, she thought, making her way through the tastefully but plainly decorated spare room to the adjoining bathroom. Once the door was closed behind her, she looked at her reflection in the mirror over the sink. She had mascara under her eyes. Eyes that were showing her age on the downslide toward fifty today, Olivia thought.  _ Am I too old to have a baby?  _ She was so tired today. She knew it was probably just early pregnancy exhaustion and emotions, but was it going to get any better, she wondered. Dealing with Noah and an infant by herself? She washed her face and left the bathroom, giving the bed a longing look. Olivia sat down on the side of the bed and sighed at how comfortable it felt. Her mattress was the same one she and Brian Cassidy bought when they moved in together and felt its age. She kicked her shoes off, swung her legs up and curled up on her side with her head on the pillow.

Rafael was engrossed in getting ingredients ready for a simple meal when he realized Olivia hadn’t returned. He made his way to the spare bedroom to make sure she was all right and found her sound asleep on the bed, her face looking calm and peaceful for the first time since he’d returned home to find her on his figurative doorstep. He took the afghan his abuelita made from the foot of the bed and draped it over her. Then he returned to the kitchen.

When she opened her eyes, Olivia was disoriented at first. She didn’t recognize the room or the soft blanket over her, but the scent on it was comforting. Then she remembered. She was at Rafael’s apartment. The smell of cooking food made her stomach growl and she remembered, too, that he said he was going to make them dinner. She threw back the cover and rolled to a sitting position at little too quickly, making herself lightheaded. After a moment it disappeared and she picked up her shoes and padded from the room toward the source of the mouth-watering smells.

“Hi,” Rafael greeted her with a smile when he saw her. He was sitting at the bar with a legal pad and papers spread out around it, his omnipresent gold pen in his hand.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, perching on a tall chair beside him. “I can’t seem to get enough sleep lately.”

“No problem. You didn’t sleep long enough to ruin dinner.”

His smile turned into a familiar cheeky grin.

***************

“I know I already said it, but thank you. Again.”

Rafael had just slid into a diner booth and she was joining him; the opposite bench filled with bags from a baby and toddler superstore. He had insisted on going with her to purchase things on her growing list of needs for both Noah and the baby. He had also insisted on footing the bill.

“You did and you’re welcome. Again.”

Over the past few months, the two had resumed their close relationship that hers with Tucker had torn asunder. Barba had taken to showing up at her apartment after what he knew had been a long day for her. He’d cook while she rested on the couch and had even learned how to bathe and prepare Noah for bed. The toddler still required his mother to tuck him in, but by that time, she had usually regained some energy. 

“I don’t think I can sit here. Can we move the table farther away?”

She turned and put her legs into the aisle, to give her expanding belly more room as he gave it an experimental push, and nearly tripped someone walking past.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Olivia exclaimed, trying to turn back into the booth, elbowing the man beside her in the process.

“No problem -- Olivia.”

She looked up into the face of Ed Tucker, who’s eyes had gone from her face to her belly. She instinctively placed a protective hand on it.

“Ed.”

His blue eyes moved to the man beside her, who had succeeded in moving the table enough she could turn back into the booth comfortably.

“I see you decided to go ahead with all this foolishness,” Tucker said, “and found someone to go along with it.”

Rafael felt Olivia stiffen beside him and he reached out to put his arm around her shoulders, looking up at the other man.

“And why wouldn’t I? I wasn’t about to leave her to have the baby alone,” he said smoothly.

Tucker’s eyebrows rose.

“I see. Well, best of luck to the three of you, then.”

He nodded his head and continued down the aisle.

Olivia whipped her head to look at Barba.

“What the hell was that?”

“What?”

“You just made it sound like this baby is yours!” she hissed.

“Well, it’s not like that asshole was ever going to claim it. I wasn’t going to let him hurt you any more, Liv. He did enough of that when he told you to have an abortion.”

That first night when she showed up at his apartment, after her nap and some dinner, Olivia told him about her meeting with Tucker and what he’d said. As gently as he could, Rafael asked if terminating the pregnancy was something she wanted to consider. Her eyes filled with tears again as she told him the story of an abortion she’d had in college. It was the best decision for her at the time; unfortunately, the physician was young and unskilled and not all of the tissue was removed, resulting in an infection and requiring a second procedure. After that, her doctors told her the likelihood of her getting pregnant again was slim. As a result, the older she got, the less careful she was with birth control. She told him about the scare she’d had when she was dating Brian Cassidy, right before the case when they found Noah. 

Rafael’s arm was still around her shoulders and she leaned into him, feeling overwhelmed with emotion and exhaustion. This was the closest thing they’d come to an embrace since that first night and he felt his heart start to pound as she relaxed against him. Barba had fought to keep his feelings for the SVU lieutenant platonic when she began to rely on him more as her pregnancy progressed. As far as he knew, she still harbored feelings for her baby’s father, and he didn’t want to get in the way of that, even though it was clear Tucker didn’t feel the same way. But who knew how he might feel once the baby was born? Before he could help himself, he pressed his lips to her temple. 

“Thank you, Rafael,” she said quietly, then straightened up and said, “I don’t know about you, but the baby and I are hungry.”

He had just come out of court when his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was Olivia.

“Hi, Liv. How was the doctor’s appointment?” he asked, making his way back to his office. “Are we having a boy or a girl?”

She had an appointment and ultrasound scheduled for that day. He’d offered to request a continuance and go with her, but she refused to let him and was now regretting her stubbornness. At her first ultrasound when the doctor told her she could know the sex of the baby, Olivia had declined. But later when the doctor wanted to do a second scan due to her advanced maternal age, she decided she wanted to know. For planning purposes, she’d told Rafael, but he suspected she just couldn’t wait to find out. As she listened to his voice, it calmed the anxiety she didn’t realize she’d had and she felt the tension start to leave her muscles.

“A boy but --” she paused, realizing he’d said we.

“Noah will love having a brother,” Rafael told her. “I always wanted one.”

“Yes, he’s part of why I’m calling. The doctor admitted me for observation and some tests. She didn’t like what she saw on the ultrasound.”

Her words brought him to a complete halt in the hallway, nearly causing the person walking behind to collide into him.

“What? What’s wrong with the baby? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. The baby is fine,” Olivia assured him. “The doctor just wants to make sure we stay that way. But Lucy has a class tonight and needs to leave at six. She’ll come back after and stay with Noah overnight. Can you just watch him while she’s in class?”

He began walking again, more quickly this time, and glanced at his watch. It was a little past three.That gave him time to go see Olivia then change clothes before he had to be at her place to relieve Lucy.

“Of course. I’ll be right there. I just need to let Carmen know I’m leaving for day. See you soon.”

Olivia leaned back against the pillows in the bed she’d been put in and closed her eyes. She’d started to tell him there was no need to come to the hospital, but he’d already hung up. She wasn’t exactly sure what the concern was, only that the physician had come into the room where she’d had the ultrasound and asked if she’d had any spotting. When the answer was no, the doctor seemed relieved and said she was going to admit Olivia overnight for a few tests. She was in a half doze when she heard the door open. She opened her eyes to see Rafael’s perfectly coiffed head poking in. She smiled.

“You can come in.”

He entered the room and drew one hand from behind his back to hold out a small vase of mixed flowers. He looked at the one with a half dozen roses, but decided that was too much. Her smile broadened. 

“I’m only going to be here one night. But thank you. You didn’t have to come here, you know.”

“Yes, I did. I should have come with you to the appointment,” he said, putting the vase on the night table and perching on the edge of the bed, much like he did on her desk. “What did the doctor say?”

“Nothing yet. They’ve taken my blood. Another ultrasound has been ordered but I don’t know when that’s going to happen.”

A frown flickered across her face.

“I hate not knowing.”

“I know.” Rafael picked up her hand where it lay on the blanket and held it in his larger one. “It will be fine, Liv. If there’s a problem, we’ll handle it together.”

His words brought sudden tears to her eyes. 

“Rafa, I don’t know what I’d do without you. What did I do to deserve everything you’ve done?”

Before he could reply, the door opened and an orderly came in pushing a wheelchair.

“Ready for your ultrasound, Ms. Benson? Your husband can come along if he wants.”

“He’s not my husband,” Olivia said quickly; too quickly. Rafael dropped her hand and stood up.

“I should be getting to your place to relieve Lucy anyway,” he said, hiding the sting he felt at her fast denial. “I’ll talk to you later.”

He was out the door before she could say anything. The orderly had the grace to look abashed.

“I apologize. I didn’t mean to assume --”

“It’s all right,” Olivia said, swallowing the lump in her throat that was there not from her first wave of emotion but from Rafael’s abrupt departure. She pushed back the covers so she could get out of the bed. “Let’s do this.”

Olivia was back in her room, had finished her dinner and was making notes on a pad of paper she’d asked a nurse to find for her when she looked at the clock and realized Lucy would have been back to her apartment long ago. But Barba hadn’t returned. Pushing down disappointment, she reviewed her list. The doctor had ordered her on bed rest for at least two months. She had already talked to Dodds and he said she could still remain commander of the squad but his son would be acting commander and handle the day to day. Reports would still come to her and she would be kept abreast of all cases. Work was the easy part. The bigger challenge was Noah. She needed to talk to Lucy about moving in with them. Bed rest didn’t mean she had to be in bed constantly; she was allowed to go to the bathroom and shower once a day. But no going to work, cooking or cleaning. Or chasing after a  **three ** year old.

She sighed, put the pen down and rubbed her palms over her abdomen. The baby seemed to have settled down for the evening. He’d been active earlier, and she wished Rafael had been there to feel it. She loved to watch his face when she took his hand and put it where she had just felt movement. He always looked awed at the fact there was a living being beneath his palm. Her phone chimed with an incoming text. It was from Lucy, with a photo of Noah sound asleep, an unfamiliar stuffed animal tucked under his arm.

** _Mr. Barba tired him out. He was fed and bathed when I got back from class. Don’t worry about us tomorrow. We’ll see you when you get home._ **

Olivia enlarged the photo to zoom in and see what her son was holding. It was an elephant he hadn’t owned before now. She suspected it was bought by one indulgent ADA. A gentle knock on the door drew her attention. It didn’t immediately swing in to admit a nurse or doctor, so she said,

“Come in.”

Then it did move and she saw the figure of the person she’d been hoping it was.

“Rafael.”

“Is it too late?”

He hovered just inside the door, looking unsure.

“No. I was hoping you’d come back,” she admitted with a smile.

“You were?” 

His stomach gave a little leap of pleasure at her words and she nodded.

“The test results came back and I’ve been put on bed rest.”

“Bed rest? For how long? Why?”

Rafael pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat down. She noticed he had changed from his work clothes. Probably before he went to her apartment to watch Noah. As much as she liked seeing him in suspenders, his jeans fit as nicely as his tailored suits.

“The placenta is too close to my cervix,” she began, and bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling at his look of discomfort hearing her say placenta and cervix. “Actually it’s partially covering it. It’s called placenta previa, and if I don’t do the bed rest I risk the placenta tearing and putting the baby in danger.

“But as long as I do and I don’t have any bleeding, then we should be able to make it to term. Or at least until the baby’s lungs are developed enough to do a c-section.”

“You say those things like it’s no big deal, Liv.”

“It is what it is, Rafael. I don’t have a choice.” 

Olivia placed a hand on her abdomen.

“This is what I have to do to protect my baby.”

He reached out and covered it with his.

“What are you going to do about work?

“I’ve got that taken care of. Dodds will be acting commander — again — but I’ll still be in charge. Just from home.”

“Home? How are you going to take care of Noah?”

“I’m going to ask Lucy to move in. It will be a tight squeeze; she’ll have to share Noah’s room. Or I’ll move his crib in my room until the baby is born. Actually, I should probably get him moved into a regular bed before the baby needs the crib so I don’t have to buy a second one. He’s really too big for a crib, anyway.”

She reached for the tablet and jotted down  _ Bed for Noah. _ Then added  _ Sofa bed for Lucy? Or me? _

Rafael watched her write, picturing her small apartment in his head.

“I have a better idea.”

She raised her head and looked at him. 

“What?”

“Move in with me.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia's first day of bed rest doesn't go smoothly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments on chapter one! This was a different plot bunny for me and I'm glad you all like it.

Olivia stared at him, thinking surely she’d misheard.

“What did you say?” she asked.

“Move in with me. You and Noah. There’s even room for Lucy if you want her to stay nights but I think  _ papito  _ is comfortable enough with me now that I can handle anything that might come up.”

Olivia looked into his eyes and saw he was serious. Rafael himself wasn’t sure where the idea came from. He only knew her apartment wasn’t big enough for Lucy to live there full time and he had more than enough room in his. But the news of her diagnosis and her solemn statement that she would do what she had to, to protect her baby filled  _ him  _ with a need to protect all three of them. Her, Noah and the unborn baby. And somewhere deep inside of him was a little part that thought maybe, just maybe, the woman in the bed beside him might come to have feelings for him.

“Rafael, that’s a generous offer and you’ve done so much for me -- and the baby and Noah already, but I can’t impose on you like that!” she protested. “Your furniture…”

He gave her a little grin.

“My furniture is more durable than you might think. The older pieces, they were  _ mi Abuelita’s _ . If they survived me, they can survive Noah for a couple months.”

The lawyer saw her mentally warring with herself; weighing the pros and cons with a slight frown. Not wanting her to stress over it, he squeezed her hand.

“I don’t need an answer now. Think about it. Talk to Lucy. Hell, talk to Noah about it. But the offer is on the table. Are they discharging you tomorrow?”

Olivia nodded and he stood.

“Then get some rest. Let me know what time to be here to take you home.”

“Rafael, you don’t -- “

He cut her off with a look and she smiled at him.

“I’ll let you know.”

Barba leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, lightly touching his fingertips to her blanket covered belly as he did.

“Good night, Liv. I’ll see you tomorrow. It’s all going to be okay.”

Before she could react or reply, he was gone. Feeling a little like a girl who’d just been kissed for the very first time, Olivia put her hand to the spot. She could still feel the warmth of his lips on her cheek and the faint scrape of stubble. The baby kicked right where his fingertips had been. Was that his way of telling her they should take Rafael up on his offer? She looked at her notes. It really would be a tight squeeze to put Lucy in Noah’s room. Putting him in her room negated the bed rest principle, since she knew if he got up at night, he would want her to get up with him. But she didn’t feel right making Lucy sleep in the living room. How many bedrooms did Rafael have, she wondered. She hadn’t snooped farther down the hallway than the guest room he sent her to that first night.

Rolling onto her side, she put the notepad on the side table beside the flowers he’d brought her. She smiled. He was the first man in a long time -- since David Hayden in fact -- to give her flowers. Tucker never had and Cassidy, well, his idea of romance was drinking beer from a glass instead of out of the bottle. Olivia got the feeling that Rafael Barba was quite the romantic. He had certainly showed her a caring side of himself she didn’t realize existed prior to four months ago. The man who had held Noah at arm’s length could now be found on his knees beside the tub, sleeves rolled up, playing pirates with the child’s flotilla of plastic boats. Maybe his suggestion wasn’t quite so bad after all, Olivia thought as she fell asleep.

In the morning, her potential roommate appeared before Olivia could text or call him. He breezed into the room after a light knock, dressed in a three piece suit, his briefcase in one hand and a drink carrier in the other.

“I saw the empty breakfast trays in the hall so I figured you were awake,” Rafael said. “I hope you don’t mind I didn’t wait for you to call.”

“Not at all,” Olivia said, wishing she’d had a brush to run through her hair when she was allowed out of bed to use the bathroom and wash up earlier. She ran her fingers through her dark locks self consciously.

“You look fine. Beautiful as always,” he said, a little blush creeping over his cheeks. Changing the subject, he put the cardboard carrier down. “Just because you’re on bed rest doesn’t mean you can’t have real -- albeit decaffeinated -- coffee.”

“Thank you,” she told him, taking a sip. “For the coffee and the compliment.”

“So when do you get sprung?” Rafael asked, taking his own cup and perching on the edge of the bed, his leg pressing against hers.

“As soon as I can show them I have someone to take me. In a car of some kind. No walking, obviously, or subway is allowed.” Olivia waved her hand toward a stack of papers on the meal tray. “Those are all the rules.”

Rafael picked them up and skimmed through them. It reiterated a lot of what she’d told him the day before. Bed rest except for one shower a day and bathroom visits. Doctors appointments every two weeks with ultrasounds to monitor the placenta. After six weeks, if there is no negative change, then she would be allowed to spend her days on the couch and get up for meals. Olivia watched him read, nodding and making hmm sounds as he did. Finally he put them back down.

“I’ll order us a car while you change.”

“This is all I have,” Olivia said, indicating the clothes she’d worn to her appointment the day before.

“I asked Lucy to get you something fresh to wear and I stopped at your place on my way.”

He stood and lifted his briefcase to the bed, opened it and pulled out a small, neatly folded pile of clothes.

“The, uh, underwear are inside the blouse. And Lucy said she wasn’t sure which pants you were wearing, so you’ll have to wear the same ones as yesterday.”

Olivia was touched at his thoughtfulness. Especially since she knew he’d had to have gone out of his way to go to her apartment before coming to the hospital. 

“Thank you, Rafael. Yes, I only have a few pairs of pants that fit right now. I need to get some new ones. Or maybe I’ll just get a bunch of pajama pants since I won’t be going anywhere.” 

She laughed. Then she moved to swing her feet to the floor and go to the bathroom and change.

“No, no. Don’t get up. I’ll step out and order the car. Let me know when you’re done.”

Olivia managed to change into the clean underwear, blouse and socks while sitting on the bed, even though she wasn’t quite sure what the difference was between sitting up and standing up. She had to stand to pull up her pants and slip on her boots, although it was difficult to reach and zip them. A change in footwear was probably in order soon, she thought wryly.

“I’m done,” she called loudly enough she hoped Rafael could hear through the door, and settled back against the pillows with her legs outstretched on the bed.

He came back into the room, waving his phone.

“Car will be here in ten minutes. I assume you have to take a wheelchair to the door?”

“Yes, she does,” said a nurse who followed him in the open door. “Is this your ride, Lt. Benson?”

“I am,” Barba replied.

“I’ll send an orderly with a wheelchair.”

While they waited, Rafael asked, “Did you think about my offer, Liv?”

“I did, and I think at least for now, I want to be at home. I still need to explain this to Noah. As much as he can understand at least, and uprooting him would be an even bigger adjustment.”

He took her hand in his.

“I understand. I still think it’s a good idea and the offer will be on the table as long as you’re on bed rest.”

Rafael saw Olivia up to her apartment where Lucy and Noah were waiting and made sure she went straight to her bedroom. He gave Lucy his cell and office numbers and told her to call him if they needed anything. Then he went to work. By lunch it had already made it through the courthouse grapevine that the leader of SVU was being temporarily replaced by Sergeant Dodds -- again -- and Barba wondered if Tucker would hear about it and if he would care. He doubted it, if their previous run in with the IAB captain was any indication.

Lunchtime in the Benson household had Olivia thinking about everything else but whether the father of her baby had heard about her leave of absence. Noah was excited to learn that she would be staying home with him and Lucy, but not happy when he discovered his mother would be spending her time in bed.

“Are you sick?” he’d asked, and Olivia tried to explain that she wasn’t sick exactly, but that she needed to stay in bed to keep the baby safe. She wasn’t sure how much he understood about her being pregnant. She’d waited until her abdomen was large enough to tell him, and he would occasionally pat it and say “Hi, baby”, but didn’t ask a lot of questions.

Noah had been content to play in her room in the morning, but balked when told he had to go to the kitchen to eat lunch when Olivia got to eat in bed. Deciding to make an exception that first day, his mother agreed to let him eat with her. Their “picnic” was going well until Noah started bouncing, which flipped his plate and knocked over his sippie cup, which wasn’t as spill proof as advertised and the grape juice leaked onto the bedclothes.

“Noah!” Olivia said sharply.

The boy wasn’t used to hearing that tone from his mother and burst into tears. Lucy, who was in the other room studying while the pair ate, came in at the sound of the commotion. Olivia put her own plate on the nightstand and pulled Noah into her arms to comfort him while Lucy gathered up the spilled food. When she returned, Noah was calm but the two women discovered the juice had seeped through the comforter onto the sheets.

Olivia closed her eyes and sighed. 

“Lucy, I hate to ask you this, but will you help me change the sheets?”

“Of course, Liv. Noah, it’s naptime. Eddie is waiting for you.”

The three year old whined a little but went with her to his own room. In Lucy’s absence, Olivia was able to pull off the comforter and top sheet from where she sat and was leaning forward, yanking at the fitted one, trying to get it to come off the bottom corners of the mattress when the young woman returned.

“Liv, stop. I don’t think what you’re doing constitutes bed rest,” Lucy said and watched as her employer and friend leaned back against the pillows with a sigh.

“You’re right,” she admitted. “But you’re Noah’s nanny, not our housekeeper. You shouldn’t have to be changing my bed sheets.”

“They would have needed changed eventually,” the young woman said gently, freeing the sheet from three corners of the mattress. 

Olivia scooted over so she could pull the sheet off completely.

“I’ll go put these in the washer and come back with clean ones. Does your comforter fit in the washer?”

The older woman shook her head.

“No, I have to take it to the laundromat. But there’s a blanket and a quilt in the closet with the sheets.”

When Lucy had gone, Olivia rolled onto her side on the mattress pad, put her head on her pillows and squeezed her eyes closed in frustration. Not even one day on bed rest and it was chaos. The chaos continued when Noah got up from his nap. Lucy had told him they would go to the park but he wanted his mother to come along. When she told him she couldn’t, he threw a very un-Noah like tantrum. Finally, Olivia told Lucy to just take him, knowing once he was outside he would calm down. He did, but returned home tired, dirty and hungry; a potential deadly combination in a three year old. They managed dinner without a mishap, because Olivia told him if he bounced on her bed again they wouldn’t be able to have picnics anymore. That, and his cup of milk was kept safely on the nightstand. But once dinner was over and bathtime loomed things took a turn for the worse.

“Uncle Rafa coming tonight?” Noah asked.

“No, not tonight, sweet boy. You saw him last night,” his mother reminded him. That was a mistake.

“Uncle Rafa come for my bath tonight,” Noah insisted. “We can play boats.”

“Not tonight, Noah. Lucy is going to give you a bath.”

Olivia knew what was coming next, even as she said the words.

“I want Uncle Rafa to play boats.”

“Lucy can play boats with you.”

“Nooooooo! I want Uncle Rafa!”

“He’s not coming tonight. Lucy is going to give you a bath but if you don’t speak nicely, there will be no playing boats,” Olivia told him.

“You play boats too, Momma? Please?”

Noah turned his big blue eyes on her in supplication as only a toddler can do.

“I’m sorry, Noah, I can’t. Come here.”

Olivia patted the bed beside her and he crawled up from where he’d been sitting near her feet. She put her arms around him and pulled him close.

“I know this is hard for you to understand and remember, but Momma has a baby in her tummy.”

He put his small hands on her abdomen.

“Yes, in there,” she said. “And the doctor told me I have to stay in bed so the baby can grow and stay safe until it’s time for it to be born. So Momma won’t be going to work or playing boats or going to the park for a little while. Lucy is going to stay with us and help.”

“Uncle Rafa help?”

“I’m sure Uncle Rafa will come help too.”

That evening was one of the first recently that he hadn’t been there. Olivia missed his presence, if she was honest with herself, and she was a little disappointed she hadn’t heard from him.

“I need you to be a helper for me and the baby, too, Noah. Can you do that? Can you help by doing as Momma and Lucy ask?”

He nodded, his curls bouncing. 

“And Uncle Rafa?”

“Yes, Uncle Rafa too.”

Lucy appeared in the doorway.

“Time for a bath, Noah,” she said.

“Go get your bath, sweet boy, then come back and I’ll read you a story,” Olivia told him.

“Okay, Momma.”

The rest of the evening passed without incident. She read him two stories and kissed him goodnight and Lucy tucked him in. Then the young woman settled down to study in the living room and the elder to start a novel she’d bought months before but hadn’t yet opened. Olivia was five chapters in when her phone rang. She smiled, seeing Rafael’s number.

“Hi,” she answered, without preamble. “I was hoping you’d call.”

“You were?” 

She could hear the smile in his voice and it broadened hers.

“I was. We’re kind of used to having you around. Even Noah asked if you were coming over tonight to play boats.”

Lucy poked her head in the room. 

“Liv, I’m going to run down the street and get some things I need printed for my class. I’ll be right back,” she said.

“Okay. We’ll be fine.” Olivia returned to her phone conversation. “Add a computer printer to the list of things I need. Along with some of those bed tables or lap tables. I don’t know what you call them. But we had a small mishap at lunchtime today.”

She recounted the tale and he heard her sigh when she repeated what she’d told Lucy.

“Lucy isn’t my housekeeper. She shouldn’t have to be changing my sheets, Rafael.”

“It needed to be done, Liv,” he told her. “If you don’t want Lucy doing that kind of thing, I’ll get you a cleaning service.”

Before she could protest a thud and then a cry came from Noah’s room, loud enough Rafael heard it through the phone.

“Noah!” Olivia exclaimed.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. I have to go see if he’s all right,” she told him, swinging her legs off the bed. “I’ll take the phone with me.”

“You shouldn’t be getting out of bed, Liv.”

Now she could hear Noah crying.

“He’s crying, Barba. I’m not leaving my son alone and crying.”

She rushed the short distance between her room and his and found the toddler on the floor beside his crib, holding Eddie and crying.

“Momma!” he cried, seeing her.

Olivia fell to her knees beside him.

“What happened, Noah?”

Between sobs, she got that he was trying to climb out of his crib and fell.

“Are you more hurt or more scared?” she asked, looking for blood on his head, and feeling his limbs for any broken bones.

“S-s-scared!”

His mother held him close and rocked him gently, kissing his curls and his sobs subsided. Then she asked why he tried to climb out.

“Me and Eddie want a drink,” he said pointing to the sippie cup of water on his dresser. “But I can help you and get it myself.”

“Oh, my sweet boy!” she said, hugging him tightly.

“Liv, I’m back!” They heard Lucy’s voice from the other room.

“In here, Lucy,” Olivia called.

The nanny appeared in the doorway.

“What happened? Why are you out of bed? Both of you?”

“Noah was trying to be helpful and get his own drink of water and fell climbing out of his crib. I think it’s time for someone to have a big boy bed.”

Olivia downplayed the seriousness of his actions and how badly he could have been hurt in front of the child. She stood up, and lifted Noah into her arms, ignoring the look of concern Lucy was giving her and addressed her son.   
  
“Until we get you a new bed, you mustn’t try and get out by yourself, honey. You call for me or Lucy and wait until we get here. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Momma. Can I have a drink?”

Lucy handed him the sippie cup and moved to take him from Olivia.

“Kiss Momma good night Noah, and I’ll tuck you and Eddie back in,” she instructed. He did and Olivia bent to pick up her phone where she’d dropped it when she arrived in the room. The connection had been severed. She wondered how much of the call Rafael had heard and decided she’d call him back after she visited the bathroom and changed into her pajamas. 

She had just settled against the pillows and taken up her phone to place the call when she heard knocking at the apartment door. Olivia was wondering who it could possibly be when Rafael appeared in the doorway. His hair was mussed, as if he’d been running his fingers through it. In fact he had, on the ride from his apartment to hers, wondering what had happened.

“What the hell was going on, Liv?”

“Rafael, what are you doing here?”

“Making sure you and Noah are all right. I heard him tell you he fell out of his crib and then I hung up and got here as fast as I could. I was imagining all kinds of things. About him and you. You shouldn’t have gotten out of bed.”

He sat down on the bed beside her and took her hands in his, concern for her written all over his face. Olivia was filled with an unexpected sense of security knowing he had come across town just to make sure they were okay. Again, this was not something she had experienced with either Tucker or Cassidy.

“I couldn’t leave him in there, alone and crying! What if he had hit his head or broken his arm?”

The realization of what happened finally sank in, and, compounded with all the other things that had gone wrong that day, Olivia’s eyes filled with tears of frustration.

“How am I going to make this work for three months, Rafael? We couldn’t even make it through one day with me in this bed!”

She pulled her hands from his and brushed angrily at her eyes. The ADA wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. That he would take care of her. Instead, he moved from facing her, to beside her and put an arm around her shoulders. Olivia leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed shakily. They sat like that, against the headboard for a while in companionable silence.

“It’s my fault he fell,” she said finally. 

“What do you mean? I know you talked about moving him into a bigger bed, but all this happened yesterday. You couldn’t have managed a new bed in twenty four hours.”

“No, no. I was trying to explain to him about why I had to be on bedrest and told him I needed him to be a helper. He said he wanted a drink of water and was being a helper by getting it himself.”

“Oh, Liv. You couldn’t have known he would do that. Especially when Lucy had just stepped out.”

She sighed again.

“You’re right. He’s never tried to climb out before. I know he should have been in a big bed already but they say to move them when they start to try and climb out and he never had. I guess he liked it cozy.” 

Olivia chuckled.

“It’s a good thing I’m still being paid while I’m sitting on my ass because this bed rest is going to cost me some money. New bed, although I can probably get him a toddler bed and keep using the crib mattress. A printer, so Lucy doesn’t have to run down to the copy center to print things. I’m probably going to have to buy a sofa bed for the living room. I can’t make Lucy sleep on the couch for three months. And I’m going to have to pay her more, if she’s going to be taking care of me  _ and  _ Noah  _ and  _ my apartment. Or find a cleaning service.”

Rafael shifted so he could look at her a little better, but kept his arm around her.

“Liv, I know you said you didn’t want to move in with me, but I have enough room for both of you, and you wouldn’t need Lucy to spend nights because I would be there. I also have a printer so Lucy could print anything she needs for school  _ and  _ a cleaning service.”

“Rafael --” she began, but he cut her off. 

“Don’t answer me now. Sleep on it. Since tomorrow is Saturday, I’ll come over and take Noah for a little while and give Lucy a break. Then we can talk about it. Okay?”

Olivia hesitated for a moment.

“Okay.”

Then she yawned and relaxed against him, turning so that she could rest her cheek against his chest. His shirt was soft against her face and she could hear the muted  _ thub thub _ of his heartbeat. She closed her eyes.

“You make a pretty good pillow, Barba.”

“Move in with me and you can use me as a pillow whenever you want,” he said softly. His arm was still around her shoulders and he gently ran his hand down her back.

He’d have liked to stay there and hold her while she slept, but wasn’t sure if she was ready for that. Baby steps, Barba, he told himself. Baby steps.

“But for now, I’m going to go and let you get some sleep. You’ve had a busy day.”

Rafael began to move, hoping she’d sit up and away from him. She didn’t at first, but opened her eyes, tipped her head and pressed her lips against his jaw.

“Thank you,” Olivia said sleepily, then moved away from him, and settled against the pillows on her side with her eyes closed.

He eased off the bed and pulled the covers up over her. Before turning off the light, he reached down and brushed a piece of hair off of her cheek.

“Good night, Liv.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know three is kind of old to still be in a crib, but this is spring/summer, so Noah is just three and a half if I try and use his canon birthday which *should* be late fall. None of my own kids were real interested in moving out of their cribs. I can't remember any of them ever climbing out. I had to make the decision for them, so I don't think this is too unrealistic. Also, I fortunately never had to be on bed rest, so I'm just going by things I've read and making the rest up as I go along.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Chapter three is already in the works.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia decides to take Rafael up on his offer.

The rest of the night passed without incident and Olivia woke in the morning to hear Noah calling for her and Lucy.

“Momma! Lucy! Momma! Lucy!”

Lucy pushed open Olivia’s bedroom door. She was already dressed for the day and the older woman wondered what time she’d gotten up.

“Good morning. I’ve got him,” she said, and continued to Noah’s room.

Olivia could hear the two talking, Noah asking for pancakes. At the thought of food, her own stomach growled. She was glad those early months of intermittent nausea was gone. Unlike some women, her morning sickness had been unpredictable. Some days it was in the morning, others at night, and then she’d go days at a time with none. Those had been tough days at work and she was more than happy to put them behind her. Now, though, facing three months of bed rest, she wondered which was worse. Rubbing her abdomen, she pushed back the covers and stood, moving slowly, as she’d been cautioned to do, to avoid getting lightheaded. Going into the kitchen, she found Noah and Lucy engaged in breakfast negotiations.

“Momma, I waited for Lucy to get me,” Noah told her, pleased with himself for remembering.

“I know you did, sweet boy. Thank you.”

Olivia kissed the top of his head.

“I’m going to get my shower and head back to my pillows. Rafael is going to stop over. Did he mention that on his way out last night? I think I fell asleep on him.” 

Literally, she added to herself, remembering how nice it was to lean against the solidness of his chest. 

“He did. He said something about a new p-l-a-y-g-r-o-u-n-d he saw,” Lucy told her. “He also took your comforter with him and said he’d drop it off to be cleaned today.”

Olivia smiled and shook her head. Rafael Barba was a never ending source of surprises.

When she emerged from the bathroom, she found a cup of coffee on her nightstand from the same shop Barba had brought it to her the day before. It told her he had arrived and she closed her bedroom door and hurried to dress so she could see him. Olivia chose a pair of maternity leggings but lingered over a top, wondering if Rafael liked the light blue one. She paused as she did up the buttons, now wondering where that thought had come from. She’d never cared what he thought about her clothes before. Reopening her bedroom door, Olivia fixed the pillows to support her back and settled herself on the bed with her coffee. She was about to send a text to see what they were up to out in the other room, as she could hear Rafael’s deep voice and Noah’s higher tones, but not the words, when her son barrelled into the room and threw himself onto her bed.

“Easy, _ papito _ !” said Rafael, who followed into the room, carrying a tray with plates of pancakes and cups of fruit. “Didn’t you have problems yesterday bouncing on your _ mami’s _ bed like that?”

Noah immediately moved to a sitting position beside her legs.

“Sorry, Momma.”

“That’s okay. Nothing spilled this time. Now come get a good morning hug.”

Olivia held out her arms and he crawled up the bed to do as she asked. When she released him, he said, “What about Uncle Rafa? He needs a good morning hug.”

Green eyes met brown and she saw his adam’s apple bob. It was his tell. No nervousness appeared on his face, but they had worked together long enough now she recognized it. It was one thing for him to put his arm around her when they were alone, but they hadn’t actually embraced except for that first night at his apartment. And that was him putting his arms around her, not the other way around. She rescued them by saying,

“Uncle Rafa’s hands are full. Did you make me breakfast?”

Noah shook his head.

“Lucy did. But I counted the grapes.”

He pointed to the small bowls filled with grapes, pieces of cantaloupe and sliced strawberries and then held up four fingers.

“Four, because I’m going to be four.”

“Not for a while yet, but yes,” Olivia confirmed. 

Rafael put the tray down on the bed and handed Noah a plastic plate with cut up pancake on it. It was sprinkled with powdered sugar. He caught Olivia’s eye and said, 

“I thought powdered sugar was a better choice than syrup for eating on your bed.”

“Excellent thought,” she agreed, picking up her own plate.

The trio ate in silence for a while, and then Rafael said, 

“Noah, I saw a new playground the other day. It has a long, curvy slide and lots of swings. Would you like to go see it with me?”

The boy’s eyes lit up at the word slide.

“Momma too?”

“No, your momma can’t come. Remember, she has to rest so the baby can grow.”

Noah’s face fell. This was the day his mother usually took him to the playground. He knew that because the cartoons on the television were different, and his preschool teacher had told the students to have a good weekend the day before and she would see them on Monday. He liked Uncle Rafa and he was fun to play with, but he’d never gone anywhere alone with him before. Olivia read the uncertainty on his face.

“You should go with Uncle Rafa. He can take pictures of you on the slide and swings and you can show me when you get back,” she encouraged.

“I’ll bet you can get him to buy ice cream too,” she added in a stage whisper, behind her hand. “Uncle Rafa has a sweet tooth.”

The man winked at Noah, who grinned back, sold at the thought of ice cream.

“But you need to finish your fruit,” Rafael told him. “Then we’ll get you changed.”

Noah stuffed the last two pieces of strawberry in his mouth and hopped off the bed, still chewing. 

“Imma go ge dreffed,” he said, and left the room.

Olivia was about to send Rafael after him to make sure he didn’t choke, rushing about with food in his mouth when they heard Lucy stop him and tell him to stand still while he finished eating.

Rafael shook his head and chuckled.

“So much energy,” he said.

“Right? I wish I could bottle it sometimes.” Olivia put her plate back on the tray and relaxed against the pillows, sipping her coffee. “Thank you for taking him today.”

“Saturday is your day with him, and I know I’m not you, but I thought I’d try and keep things somewhat the same.”

Rafael picked up the tray and put it on the dresser, then settled beside her like he had the night before, stretching out his own legs beside hers. Even though Olivia had seen him casually dressed more often over the last few months, the sight of him in shorts and flip flops surprised her. She glanced away from his bare legs and fiddled with the blanket, smoothing out a wrinkle. But her eyes were drawn back. His had nice legs. Muscular legs. Not too hairy. Nice feet too. He caught her looking and grinned, bumping his shoulder against hers.

“Are you checking out my legs, Lieutenant?”

“What? No, no,” she protested, feeling her face get warm even as she did so. “But, um, you better watch out with bare feet around Noah. He might want to paint your toenails too.”

Olivia wiggled her own bare feet.

“Blue?”

“We were walking by a salon and he saw the women getting pedicures through the window. He asked me if I ‘colored my toes’, as he put it,” she explained. “I said sometimes and he asked if he could do it for me. I let him pick the color. He didn’t do too bad. I had to help a little, but I don’t think I could reach now.”

“I pictured you more as a hot pink or candy apple red girl,” Rafael said.

“You’ve thought about my feet, counselor?”

She raised an eyebrow and it was his turn to feel his face get warm. He was rescued from having to answer by Noah, who ran back in the room, now fully dressed.

“I’m ready. Lucy helped me get dressed.”

“Then let’s go. The swings are waiting for us.” 

Rafael swung his distractingly attractive legs off the bed and stood up.

“Give me a kiss goodbye,” Olivia said. 

The man turned back as if to do as she requested and then stopped, realizing she meant Noah. She noticed but pretended she hadn’t, giving her son a hug and kiss and admonitions to be good for Uncle Rafa.

“Bye, Liv. See you later.” 

He reached out his hand toward her, not sure what he intended to do, and ended up putting it on her shoulder and giving it a squeeze. She felt the warmth of his palm through her thin blouse. She smiled up at him.

“Have fun.”

Over the next couple hours, Olivia received regular texts with photos. Noah and Rafael arriving at the park with the new playground, Noah coming down the slide, and a selfie of the two of them riding a swing, the boy sitting on Rafael’s lap, both of them smiling widely. The last ones were of them eating hot dogs and then ice cream cones. Olivia smiled at how happy her son looked. Both of them looked. She thought about Rafael’s comment that he was trying to keep things the same for Noah and again about his offer to let them move in with him. She called to Lucy. The young woman appeared in the doorway.

“Yes, Liv?”

“Sit down, please. I want to talk to you about something.”

Lucy sat at the foot of the bed, looking at her employer. She knew being put on bedrest couldn’t be easy for the active lieutenant.

“When the doctor put me on bedrest, Rafael suggested Noah and I move in with him,” Olivia told her.

“Oh! I didn’t realize -- I mean, I didn’t know you and he --”

“We aren’t,” the other woman was quick to correct, almost too quick, Lucy thought and pressed her lips together to keep from smiling. She had seen the way the lawyer looked at her employer when he didn’t think anyone was watching. There was certainly some feelings on his half, and she suspected Olivia was beginning to have some for him. She was happy for them. 

“I initially told him I wanted to stay here. Keep Noah in his own home.”

Lucy nodded.

“But after what happened yesterday, I’m having second thoughts. I hate that you’re having to act at our housekeeper. I’ll gladly pay you more, but that’s not what I hired you to do. Not to mention you having to sleep on the couch. If we move temporarily, then you wouldn’t have to stay nights, because Rafael would be there. I would still need you days.”

“The couch isn’t that bad,” Lucy told her. “I know this bedrest isn’t going to be easy for you, but I love you both and the new baby and I don’t mind helping out with more than Noah.”

Olivia blinked away sudden tears at the younger woman’s words. Lucy had become like one of the family but to hear her express the sentiment in return filled her with emotion that she blamed on hormones.

“But if you think moving into Mr. Barba’s apartment would be better, then I think you should do it. It’s bigger?”

“Significantly,” Olivia said with a teary chuckle, and brushed away errant moisture from her eyes. 

She told Lucy about Rafael’s apartment with its additional bedrooms and bathrooms. By the time she was finished and they talked more about how good the man had become with Noah, Olivia’s mind was made up. When he returned, she would tell him she’d decided to take him up on his offer. She was on her laptop looking at toddler beds when the pair got home.

“Momma! We gotted you presents!” Noah announced running into her room. He was sweaty and tired, and she could see traces of ice cream around his mouth and dirt on his knees, but looked happy.

“Presents? I thought you went to the playground?”

He climbed up on the bed beside her and pulled off his sneakers, a trickle of sand coming out onto the blanket.

“We did. Uncle Rafa took pichers. Did you get them?”

“I got them. It looked like you had fun.” Olivia pushed sweaty curls off of his forehead.

“We did. The slide was the best. I went really fast. But Uncle Rafa catched me at the bottom.”

“I caught you,” the man corrected, entering the room with a large shopping bag in each hand.

“When Noah said presents I was thinking ice cream or something else sweet. What on earth did you buy, Rafael?”

He set them down on the floor and from the first removed a wooden tray with legs that he folded out and set over her lap. From the second emerged a chair shaped backrest.

“Just the short amount of time I leaned against those pillows yesterday wasn’t comfortable. I can’t imagine leaning against them all day can be good for your back,” Rafael told her. “If you don’t like this one, they had others. But this one is memory foam.”

“It’s a little chair, Momma,” Noah explained.

“Yes, it is. Thank you,” she looked at her son and then at the man standing beside her. “Both of you.”

Then she looked back at Noah, who had yawned and lay down.

“Sweet boy, I think it’s time for you to have a little nap. Why don’t you go find Lucy?”

“Doan wanna have a nap,” he protested. “Wanna play with Uncle Rafa.”

“Come on, Noah,” Rafael said. “Remember we talked about how I’m going to be here all day? We can play after your nap and you can help me make dinner.”

He held out his hand. 

“Let’s go find Lucy. I’ll be right back, Liv.”

The boy sat up and took it reluctantly, sliding off the bed. With his free hand, Rafael took the small sneakers and escorted Noah from the room. When they had gone, Olivia moved her laptop to the new tray table and resumed selecting a toddler bed. She was trying to decide between wooden finishes when he returned.

“Work?” Rafael asked. She shook her head.

“Buying Noah a toddler bed. I need your address for delivery,” Olivia said.

“Okay. Here, sit forward and I’ll swap out your pillows for the new -- what did you say?”

“I said I need your address to have it delivered there. Unless you’ve rescinded your offer, counselor?”

She looked at him with a twinkle in her eyes.

“What? No! Of course not. So you and Noah are going to move in? Liv, that makes me feel so much better! I can’t tell you how worried I was something else like last night was going to happen if Lucy wasn’t here.”

The concern on his face was clear and she felt a pang of guilt for making him worry. He moved the lap tray and swapped out her pillows for the new back rest and Olivia had to admit it felt better. Then he joined her on the bed and put the computer on his own lap.

“Show me what you’re ordering. Just an ordinary bed?” he said, looking at the one she had pulled up. “Why not this one?”

Rafael clicked on a thumbnail image and a toddler bed designed to look like a race car appeared.

“Rafael, that’s not very practical!” she laughed.

“No, wait. Look at this one. Oh, he needs this one, Liv!”

The next one he chose was also a car, but this one was designed to look like a black and white police patrol car. She laughed more at his enthusiasm, but had to admit it was cute.

“It costs more than the regular one though, and he’s only going to be in it for a little while. He’s so tall already,” she protested. 

“You can hand it down to Rollins for Jesse,” Rafael argued. “Then get it back _ para nuestro amiguito _when he’s ready for it.”

He put his palm on her belly and felt a gentle wave of movement beneath.

“It will get plenty of mileage.” The man chuckled at his unintentional pun.

“I don’t know,” Olivia hesitated, looking at the photo. The bed was adorable, Noah would love it, and he was right, even if Amanda didn’t want it for Jesse, she could put it in storage until the baby was old enough to use it.

“If it’s too much, then let me buy it. Imagine Noah’s face when he sees it. Might make moving into a new room easier.”

“I can afford to buy my son a bed, Barba!” Olivia bristled at his insinuation she couldn’t afford it, but softened her tone when he stiffened beside her and removed his hand from her abdomen.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. You’ve just bought a lot of things for the baby and us already.”

She felt him relax and reached for his hand, putting hers over it and giving it a squeeze.

“Chalk it up to hormones?” she asked softly.

“Guess I’d better get used to them if we’re going to be living under the same roof,” he replied lightly, then reached for the notepad on her nightstand, scribbled his address on the top sheet and tore it off. “You order the bed and I’ll make a list of what we need to do to get you moved.”

The bed couldn’t be delivered until Monday, so the Bensons spent two more nights in their apartment with Lucy. Rafael stayed the remainder of Saturday, making dinner as promised, and all day Sunday helping pack up what they’d need to take. He’d started out in Olivia’s room, but when he realized he would be touching her underwear and lingerie, decided to swap with Lucy, who was working on Noah’s things. The younger woman understood immediately the blush on his face and resisted the urge to tease him about liking her the lieutenant. Her boss, however, didn’t get off so easily. As Olivia folded and Lucy placed clothes in a suitcase, she said casually, 

“If you and Mr. Barba ever want to have a date, I’ll watch Noah, you know. Take him out since you can’t go anywhere.”

“Lucy, I am a single mother, pregnant with another man’s baby. Not exactly prime dating material, right now. Besides, I told you --”

“I know what you told me,” Lucy said. “But it’s okay if you like him. He likes you, you know.”

Feeling like a teenager, but not able to help herself, Olivia asked, “What do you mean he likes me?”

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you. And why do you think he offered to let you and Noah live with him? It’s not just because he has a bigger apartment. He cares about you. He wants to take care of you.”

Olivia looked at her. It was one thing to entertain those kind of thoughts herself. It was another thing to hear someone else say them. Lucy shrugged and closed the suitcase.

“Just saying. What do you want to take of Noah’s toys?”

“Rafael said he was hiring a small moving van, so I guess put his favorites in the toy box and books in another box,” Olivia said absently, her mind still on the nanny’s words.

_ He likes you, you know. He cares about you. He wants to take care of you. _

The adults tried to wait as long as possible to tell Noah about the move, and he hadn’t paid much attention to his clothes being packed, but when he saw books going from his bookshelf to a box, wanted to know why. Rafael picked him up and carried him into his mother’s room where he and Olivia explained about how the man’s apartment was bigger and that Uncle Rafa would be able to play boats every night. They assured him that Eddie, who had become his favorite stuffed animal since Rafael bought the elephant for him in the hospital gift shop, would be coming with them and Lucy would still be watching him when he wasn’t in preschool.

Monday morning, Rafael appeared to escort Olivia, Noah and Lucy to a waiting car, where he had already strapped in the boy’s car seat. At his apartment, he got her settled in the guest room she had napped in, and handed Noah a bag from a familiar toy store.

“Rafael, you didn’t have to buy him anything,” she said, leaning back onto her backrest. 

“Just a little something to keep him occupied while your things are being moved,” he replied, ruffling the boy’s hair. “His bed will be here soon. Lucy will show them where to put it.”

Then he looked at his watch.

“Shi -- I mean, shoot. I have a meeting with the D.A. in an hour. I need to get changed. After that I’ll meet the movers and bring the rest of your things over.”

“Why are you meeting with McCoy?” Olivia asked. Noah was kneeling on the floor where he’d dumped the contents of the bag, which included a puzzle, a coloring book and Legos designed for smaller hands.

She had been out of the office less than a week and already she felt out of the loop. Olivia decided she needed to have a weekly video conference with her squad -- Dodd’s squad, she mentally corrected herself with a small frown -- to stay up to date.

“To talk about giving some of my caseload to another ADA,” he said quickly, knowing she wasn’t going to like the answer. “I need to change. I’ll stop in before I leave to say goodbye.”

“Rafael!” she called after his retreating figure and made a frustrated sound when he didn’t reply or turn around.

“Momma, can you help me with my puzzle?” Noah asked.

Oliva took a deep breath and exhaled. 

“Sure, sweetie. Bring it up here.”

She was helping Noah build the frame on her tray table when Rafael reappeared in the doorway. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw him. He was dressed for work in a crisp white shirt, brightly patterned tie and coordinating suspenders, his jacket over his arm, not ready to wear it out into the early July heat of the city. Damn, she thought, that man knows how to wear a suit. One side of his mouth turned up in his familiar lopsided smile as he caught her staring.

“You look nice,” she admitted, her cheeks going pink.

“I shouldn’t be long,” he said. 

“We’ll talk about what you’re meeting with Jack about later,” Olivia said firmly. “Just because I’m living here now doesn’t mean you need to change your schedule.”

He tipped his head noncommittally and she felt like she had already lost the argument.

“Tell Uncle Rafa goodbye,” she prompted Noah, who looked up from his puzzle.

“Bye, Uncle Rafa!”

“See you later, Noah. Be good for your mom and Lucy,” the man said, then met Olivia’s eyes and his voice softened. “Bye.”

She raised her hand. 

“Bye.”

The new puzzle was finished and Noah’s bed arrived and Rafael returned simultaneously. Olivia heard his voice talking to someone and saw a uniformed man carrying a large box past the door. Lucy appeared and asked Noah if he wanted to see his new bed. He got up from the floor where he’d been playing with the Legos and followed her down the hall. Olivia heard him exclaim,

“It looks like one of Momma’s police cars!”

She smiled and wished she could have seen his face. Suddenly her phone chimed with an incoming text, showing her a photo of Noah standing in the room, hands clasped together with delight as he looked at the bed. 

“I know you wish you could be in the room with him,” said Rafael and she looked up to see him leaning against the door frame. His work clothes were gone and he was back in the shorts and shirt he’d had on earlier. “You’re going to have so many pictures from these months, you’re going to need more memory on your phone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the kind comments! Please keep them coming because I love to hear what everyone thinks! I think this is the slowest burn I've ever written for these two but they're getting there. Might finally have a kiss in the next chapter. Did anyone catch my little REE Easter Egg?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah thinks Uncle Rafa needs a good night kiss too.

Rafael wasn’t kidding. From that first day alone, he and Lucy sent her at least a dozen photos of Noah in his new room, which must have been Rafael’s home office, from the looks of the desk and the book shelves. But where there must have previously been legal tomes, one low shelf now contained Noah’s favorite story books and another some of his toys. The patrol car bed was set up in a corner and made up with new police themed sheets and matching comforter that Olivia knew she hadn’t purchased. Rafael just shrugged and grinned when she asked him about it.

It was the second night at Rafael’s when a couple hours after Noah was in bed that he called out to them:

“Momma! Uncle Rafa! What’s that noise?”

Olivia heard Noah’s small feet on the hardwood floor moments before he came running into her room and climbed up on the bed beside her.

“What noise, sweet boy?”

A lifelong New Yorker, Olivia hadn’t noticed a difference in the city noises between their apartment and Rafael’s, but there must have been something that woke the boy. She put her arms around him and pulled him close. He pressed his face into her neck and shivered as she listened and heard what he was referring to.

“That. What is it?”

She chuckled.

“Those are fireworks, Noah.”

“I didn’t even think about it, Liv. I’m sorry.” 

Rafael’s voice came from the doorway. He had been working in his room and came hurrying down the spiral stairs when he heard Noah’s cries. She looked up and noticed his hair was tousled. Whatever he’d been working on must have been giving him a problem.

“I’ve lived here so long I don’t even notice them anymore.”

“Fireworks?” Noah asked.

“Come with me, I’ll show you.”

The man held out his arms and the toddler stood on the bed and went willing into them, still holding onto Eddie. Rafael carried him into the living area and walked to the large picture windows. In the sky above the buildings across the street he pointed out the colorful explosions.

“Fireworks?” Noah asked.

“Yes, those are fireworks. You can see a lot of them from my window this time of year.”

“Pretty colors! Look! Blue and red!” 

Now that he saw the source of the noise, Noah wasn’t bothered by it, but fascinated by the bursts. Finally, they finished.

“All done?” he asked.

“All done for now. There may be more tomorrow night,” Rafael told him. “Let’s get you tucked back into bed.”

They stopped in Olivia’s room on the way.

“I saw’d the fireworks, Momma, but they done now.”

“Do you need another good night kiss?”

Noah nodded and Rafael bent over so she could reach up and kiss his small cheek.

“Uncle Rafa too,” he said.

They were close enough that if one or the other had leaned a few inches in the right direction, she could have kissed him. Their eyes met and Olivia moistened her lips. If they were going to kiss, she didn’t want an audience for the first time. 

“I don’t think Uncle Rafa is going to bed yet,” she told the boy, dragging her gaze from the green eyes staring intently into hers.

The man straightened up and adjusted Noah in his arms. He cleared his throat.

“That’s right. I still have some work to do,” he agreed.

“Good night, sweet boy. Good night, Eddie.”

Olivia gave the animal a pat on the head and man, boy and elephant left the room, leaving her wondering what Rafael’s lips would feel like against hers. She’d felt them on her cheek and her temple since their friendship began evolving the night she told him she was pregnant. Lucy’s words from the other day came back to her: _ He cares about you. He wants to take care of you. _

He had been taking care of her, something she had never really allowed or wanted a man to do; partly because none of the men she’d been involved with could do it properly. With Cassidy, she was always the caretaker because he seemed to not know how, she and Hayden weren’t together long enough and Tucker’s idea of taking care of her was accompanying her to abort their child. But for some reason, letting Rafael do it had come easily. Olivia looked around the room. There had been fresh flowers on the dresser the day they moved in, and she suspected they would be replaced before the week was out. He had swapped the neutral-masculine looking towels in the bathroom for ones in soft greens and blues; and she discovered he stocked it with all her preferred toiletries. After, she was sure, consulting with Lucy. The kitchen was filled with all Noah’s favorite foods. Even small things, like bringing her good tasting decaffeinated coffee and buying the back rest. She had no doubt he would be accompanying her to her doctor’s appointment the following week. That reminded her they had yet to discuss the outcome of his meeting with Jack McCoy.

A light knock interrupted her thoughts and Olivia looked up to see the subject of them in the doorway.

“He’s asleep. I didn’t think the fireworks would wake him,” Rafael told her. “Like I said, I’ve lived here so long I don’t even hear them anymore. But apparently I’m in the middle of all the fireworks in New York.”

“It’s all right,” she assured him. “Now that he knows what it is, he’ll be fine. I’m sorry he interrupted your work.”

He shook his head. 

“I wasn’t making very good progress anyway.”

“I can tell.”

“Your hair,” Olivia added, looking at the tousled strands and then down his body, taking in the most casually dressed Barba she’d experienced yet. 

He wore a gray t-shirt with faded HARVARD LAW in maroon letters across the chest that left little to her imagination of what lurked beneath his vests and suspenders; and gray gym shorts. His feet were bare. She wondered if that’s what he wore to bed. 

“Checking out my legs again?”

Rafael’s voice made her snap her gaze back up to meet his and she felt a flush creep over her cheeks. She swallowed and said boldly,

“You have nice legs.”

“So do you.” 

Olivia shifted hers unconsciously under the sheet. She was dressed for bed in a pair of maternity pajamas.

“You can’t see mine.”

He shrugged.

“I’ve seen them before,” Rafael said and immediately she tried to remember when he might have seen her bare legs. 

As she was thinking, he said, “I’ll leave you to your book. I think I’m going to turn in.”

Olivia couldn’t stop her eyes from flickering to his lips, thinking of Noah saying Uncle Rafa needed a good night kiss. He noticed and licked his lower lip, as if he knew her thoughts.

“So you’re going to bed?” she asked.

“Yes.”

As they talked, he somehow had made his way closer and now took one last step that put him right beside her.

“Does that mean I can have that good night kiss now?” 

His voice seemed to have dropped an octave and the sound caressed her skin as softly as if he had touched her. She reached out a hand to him and he took it, allowing her to tug him down to sit on the bed facing her. Olivia’s other hand came up and she slid her palm across his shoulder to the back of his neck. Goosebumps broke out on his arms as her fingers ghosted through the short hairs on his nape. Now it was her turn to moisten her lips as she put gentle pressure on him to lean toward her. Both of them were sure the other could hear the pounding of their hearts as Olivia initiated their first real kiss. His lips were gentle against hers and her eyes fluttered closed at the touch. His left hand moved to the other side of her legs to support his weight as he leaned closer and returned the kiss. Their lips parted briefly and he felt her breath sigh against his. Wanting more, Rafael lifted his other hand to cup her face and card his long fingers through her hair, and pressed his lips to hers a second time, tilting his head to the side for better access to her mouth. Heat licked through Olivia’s veins and she opened her lips to the gentle caress of his tongue, meeting it with her own. When he felt it, a low groan rumbled in his throat and the hand in her hair moved down her back to pull her closer. As he did, they both felt a firm kick from the baby inside her. It broke the moment and they both laughed out loud, Olivia resting her forehead against his shoulder. Then she straightened, caressing his stubbled cheek as she did and started to settle back against the backrest, a smile still on her face. Rafael stopped her progress with his arm still around her, not wanting to let her go, enjoying holding her close.

“That was some good night kiss,” he said.

“It was,” she agreed. “But our boy here clearly thought we’d gone far enough.”

Still caught up in the fresh emotions stirred by the kiss, neither of them noticed her use of the pronoun.

“I should let you get some sleep.”

“I’m not tired. I’ve been on bedrest for almost two weeks and I feel like my brain is turning to Swiss cheese,” she complained. “Tell me what you were working on.”

“All right. Let me go get my notes.”

Rafael smiled and kissed her forehead, finally removing his arm from around her. Olivia leaned against the backrest, already missing his touch. He stood and left the room, returning quickly with a legal pad and his familiar gold pen. Settling on the bed beside her, he detailed what he had been working on: an opening statement for a case they’d been working on before she received the placenta previa diagnosis and was going to trial when court resumed after the July 4th holiday break. After more than an hour of her asking questions and giving him feedback, the ADA felt far better about it than he had before, and remembered how much he enjoyed working with the SVU commander. He thanked her for her help and bid her good night, kissing her again, but on the cheek. In the solitary darkness of their respective beds, each of them reflected on the step their relationship had just taken, and fell asleep with smiles on their faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was a short chapter but I have a tumblr barsondaily Secret Santa project to work on so I don't know how soon I'll be back to this one, and I wanted to give everyone what they've been waiting for! I hope it lived up to your expectations. I think it did theirs! Thanks for reading and for all the wonderful comments!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after their first kiss, Olivia and Rafael are at odds over a few things and also have a July 4th picnic with Noah. Also, fireworks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer chapter, but I think you'll like it. A lot more happens than what my summary indicates. 
> 
> But also. 
> 
> More kissing.

Noah had always been an early riser, but when he was in his crib, he was content to remain there until Olivia got him up. Every morning since he moved into a bed he could get out of, however, she had been awakened by the sound of small feet approaching. The morning after she and Rafael kissed was no different.

“Momma,” he whispered, standing beside the bed. “Are you awake?”

She groaned silently into the pillow. She had been in that sweet mental space between sleep and wakefulness and reliving the night before. Being pregnant hadn’t stopped her body from responding to his touch; in fact, she found herself easily aroused at the memory.

“Momma?”

Noah padded around to the other side of the bed so he could see her face. She opened her eyes and couldn’t help but smile at his head of curls. They were pointed in every direction and in need of trimming. Maybe Rafael could take him, she thought.

“Good morning,” Olivia said. “Why don’t you go to the bathroom and then come back and we’ll snuggle? It’s early.”

“Okay.”

He ran into her bathroom and she rolled onto her back to stretch her arms overhead, eyes closed. When she opened them again, she was surprised to see Rafael standing in the doorway. He was wearing the same clothes as the night before and his hair was almost more tousled as Noah’s. A result, she surmised, from the product he put in it and it made her want to reach out and smooth it.

“Did Noah wake you? Was he too loud?” she asked. He shook his head.

“I was awake.”

Rafael glanced toward the bathroom and quickly crossed to the bed, sitting down and putting one hand on either side of her shoulders, caging Olivia between his arms.

“Are your morning kisses as good as your nighttime ones?” he said quietly.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet,” Olivia demurred.

“Neither have I,” he countered, lowering his head to nuzzle his nose against her temple, his breath tickling her ear and his morning beard pleasantly rough against her cheek .

“In that case,” she murmured, putting her arms around his neck and turning her head enough to brush his lips with hers.

Rafael was about to increase the pressure of the kiss when they heard the toilet flush.

“Don’t forget to wash your hands,” Olivia said loud enough Noah could hear.

“I can’t reach,” came the reply and she sighed, knowing their window of opportunity had just closed.

Rafael quickly pressed his lips against hers.

“I’ll help him.”

She watched him walk toward the bathroom and heard her son greet the man, happy to see him. The sounds of the two of them together made her smile.

Since it was July 4th, Rafael wasn’t working so he gave Lucy the day off. He had done it the night before when the young woman left but the time he spent with Olivia at the end of the evening had driven the thought from his mind. It never occurred to him to get her employer’s approval first.

“Rafael, could you come here, please?” Olivia called.

She was freshly showered, dressed and back on the bed. Noah had come running in, still in his pajamas and when she asked him why Lucy hadn’t gotten him dressed, he said Lucy wasn’t there. That Uncle Rafa said she could stay home today. When he didn’t answer, she decided he must be in his bedroom. She reached for her phone and called his number. It rang out and went to voicemail. Olivia huffed in frustration. Not because he must be in the shower now, himself, but because of the conversation it was postponing. If they were going to make this housemate situation work, let alone whatever else was happening between them, he couldn’t just go about making decisions like giving Lucy the day off without talking to her. She also wanted to know about his meeting with McCoy. Suddenly she heard heavy, quick footsteps and he appeared in the doorway, a towel wrapped around his waist, hair wet and dripping onto his bare shoulders.

“What’s wrong? Is something wrong with the baby?” he asked frantically.

“No, why? Rafael, you’re soaking wet.”

“Of course I’m wet. I was in the shower. You called my phone.”

“I did. I just wanted to talk to you and when you didn’t answer me I figured you were in your bedroom, so I called your phone. When you didn’t pick up, I decided you must be in the shower. There’s no emergency.”

He was a comical sight, standing there dripping onto the floor with such a look of concern on his face, but all Olivia could think about was his bare torso. He had a dusting of curly hair on his chest, in which was nestled a medallion at the end of the gold chain that she’d glimpsed when he’d worn open necked shirts or collarless ones. His abs weren’t sculpted but firm, and additional hair was revealed below his belly button as his towel slipped slightly. She dragged her gaze back up to his face to see the concern in his eyes had shifted to something else when he realized she was admiring his half naked form. He was looking at her the way he had the other night when he asked for the goodnight kiss and even across the room, she could see the green in his eyes had darkened and the gold flecks were more pronounced. Olivia’s fingers moved involuntarily on the covers, as she wished she could get out of bed and cross the room to touch his chest. Rafael shifted on his bare feet. He’d been relieved there was no emergency and any annoyance he’d felt about running out of the shower dripping wet had dried up when he saw Olivia’s brown gaze linger on his bare chest. He felt her eyes on him as if she had run her fingers across his skin.

“Liv,” he began, taking a step toward her.

His movement brought Olivia back to reality, and reminded her why she wanted to talk to him.

“Rafa, go finish your shower and get dressed. We need to talk about you making decisions without consulting me,” she said.

Her words threw cold water on his reaction to her gaze, quashing the thoughts that his towel wouldn't have kept hidden for long and he nodded at her, turning and hurrying back upstairs.

When he returned to the room, Noah was on the floor, building with his Legos; now dressed as well, albeit in a mismatched shirt and shorts that appeared to be on backwards. Rafael guessed he chose them himself. He made a mental note to pair up outfits in the boy’s drawer for him, to help him foster some independence as well as be of some assistance to his mother and Lucy.

“Would you mind putting a movie on my laptop for Noah in his room so we can talk?” Olivia asked, holding out the device to him. He shook his head.

“I do have a television in the other room, Liv,” he replied. “Hundreds of channels; dozens of which I’m sure are child-friendly.”

He held his hand out to the boy.

“Come on,  _ papito _ , let’s find you something to watch. What do you like? Nick Jr or the Disney Channel?”

Noah got to his feet and went with Rafael, chattering away about his favorite shows on both stations. Olivia sat back, once again surprised that the lawyer knew about children’s programs, but wouldn’t put it past him to have educated himself in the last few months. She tried to picture the living area and couldn’t remember where there was a television, but she had only spent that one evening in it. Since they’d moved in, she’d been stuck in this room and would be, for the foreseeable future. She sighed and closed her eyes, rubbing her rounded abdomen.

“You okay?”

Olivia opened her eyes. He was dressed in casual summer clothes again. Shorts and a short sleeved collared shirt. She wasn’t sure which she liked better. Casual Rafael Barba or him dressed to the nines in a suit. They were both equally appealing. And now that she knew what was beneath the fabric -- 

“Liv?”

She blinked.

“Fine.”

“You said you wanted to talk?”

He seemed to be all business again. As if the night before hadn’t happened, Olivia thought. She straightened her shoulders.

“Yes. Please, sit down.” She waved her hand at the other end of the bed as if they were in her office at the precinct.

He perched on the corner, hoping she wasn’t about to tell him she’d changed her mind about staying with him, or worse yet, she regretted the kisses they’d shared.

“Rafael, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and Noah. And the baby,” she said. “But this isn’t a vacation. We’re going to be imposing on you for at least six more weeks and it’s time to establish some ground rules. I know you meant well, giving Lucy the day off because it’s a holiday and you’re not working, but I wish you would have talked to me about it first.”

Olivia had that don’t-interrupt-me look on her face he’d seen many times before, so he kept silent until she finished.

“Also, I don’t know what you talked about with Jack McCoy, but I don’t want you taking time off from work to stay here with me. Lucy will be here days, even when Noah is at preschool, and I’m going to schedule my appointments when Noah is at school so she can go with me. What?”

Rafael was shaking his head. He moved closer to her and took one of her hands in his.

“Olivia, I thought I made it perfectly clear to you a few months ago, that I was going to be by your side through this pregnancy. I offered you and Noah a place here with me because I care about you, and I want to make this as stress free as possible for you. I’m sorry about giving Lucy the day off. You’re right, I shouldn’t have done that without consulting you. I won’t do that again.”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

“But as for my work schedule, that’s already settled. I’m going to telecommute unless I have court appearances or meetings. There is nothing I can’t do from here that I do sitting in my office. So I will be taking you to your appointment this week and the ones going forward.”

Olivia nodded again. Just as he recognized her expression, she did his tone and knew arguing would be futile.

“Okay. Thank you. Again.”

He squeezed her hand.    
  
“You don’t have to thank me.”

Even though it was a holiday, Rafael still had a trial starting the next day, so he spent the morning polishing his opening statement and practiced it for Olivia while Noah napped after lunch. Then he offered to go to the grocery store and get ingredients for a July 4th picnic. 

“I don’t have a real grill; just a pan I use on the stove, but it gets the job done,” he said.

“Can I come with you, Uncle Rafa?” Noah asked.

“If your mother doesn’t mind.”

Olivia didn’t, and after admonishing the boy to behave and hold Rafael’s hand, had a little nap of her own. She awoke to Noah’s giggling and the aroma of grilling food and chocolate. After a trip to the bathroom, she decided to stretch her legs and wandered toward the sounds and smells. 

“What are you two doing out here? Sounds like you’re having fun.”

“Momma!”

Noah was perched on one of the tall stools, a towel pinned around his neck like a bib, stirring a large bowl of something.

“I’m making brownies for the picnic,” he told her proudly.

Rafael turned from the stove where he had hamburgers in a pan with grilling ridges.

“Liv, what are you doing out of bed? You were asleep when we got home and I didn’t want to wake you.”

“I needed to stretch my legs. I’ll go back,” she assured him. “Smells good out here.”

“Burgers for us, hot dog for my sous chef, my mother’s famous potato salad and corn on the cob,” he told her.

“And brownies,” added Noah. 

“And brownies. Are you done stirring,  _ papito? _ ”

Rafael took the bowl from him and scraped the batter into a waiting pan with a spatula, then slid it into the oven. Olivia took in the chocolate on her son’s hands and face. She removed the towel from around his neck.

“Why don’t you come with me and get cleaned up and we’ll read a book while Uncle Rafa finishes dinner?”

“You’re going to take yourself back to bed, Lieutenant. You’ve been on your feet long enough,” the ADA said. “I’ll clean him up and send him in.”

Rafael had the picnic planned down to a flannel backed plastic red and white checkered tablecloth that he spread on Olivia’s bed to prevent any spills from getting to the bedding. The couple laughed at Noah’s first attempt at eating corn on the cob which consisted of licking the butter, salt and pepper off first before nibbling off one and two kernels at a time, before Rafael demonstrated for him. The boy ate so much they told him brownies and ice cream would have to wait until later.

“You can have yours while we watch fireworks,” Rafael promised, gathering up the plates.

“I don’t suppose I’m allowed to come out to the couch and watch too?” Olivia asked. 

She was half kidding, but also thinking there was no harm in her sitting on the couch for an hour or so to watch fireworks with him and Noah. Rafael shook his head. 

“You were already up more than you’re supposed to be today, and you have a doctor’s appointment later this week. I don’t want to have to tell on you,” he said with a wink. “But you can watch them on television.”

“I don’t have a television in here, Rafael.”

Olivia frowned at him, looking around, wondering if there was some hidden panel he hadn’t told her about that concealed a television. He shifted all the plates to one hand and held up a finger, then disappeared from the room. Noah bounced on the bed, grinning at her.

“Are you and Uncle Rafa up to something?” she asked.

The toddler just grinned and bounced.

A moment later, Rafael returned, carrying a large, flat box that, unless he had a Rembrandt hidden in it, Olivia thought, contained a new television.

“I can connect your laptop to it, so you can video conference with your detectives, too,” he told her.

“And I can watch cartoons in here with you, Momma,” Noah added. “Do you like it?”

She fixed Rafael with a look that said once again, he was being extravagant, but drew Noah into a hug with a smile and said, “Yes, I like it, sweet boy.”

After he got Noah situated in the bathtub, he set up the larger-than-necessary flat screen on the dresser opposite the bed and connected it to his cable system while Olivia watched in amusement. She suspected this was as far as Rafael’s DIY skills extended. Then he handed her the remote and went to finish her son’s bath. When the pair returned, Noah was carrying a small gift bag.

“This is for you too, Momma.”

“What else have you bought, Rafael?”

“This is actually the more practical of the two,” he said, sitting down on the bed, while Noah climbed up next to her, freshly bathed and in his pajamas, smelling of baby shampoo.

She reached into the bag and pulled out a box that contained a baby monitor, with multiple receivers.

“If you had talked to me using this this morning, I’d have known nothing was wrong and wouldn’t have come running soaking wet nearly losing my towel.”

The look that Olivia gave him this time said she liked that he came running in just his towel and the corner of his mouth quirked up before he took it from her and removed the devices. The base went on her nightstand and was plugged into the outlet behind.

“I’ll put one receiver in the kitchen and one in my bedroom,” Rafael said. “Then I’ll dish up the brownies.”

“I’ll help!”

Noah bounced off the bed and followed him from the room.

Olivia knew Noah had enjoyed the fireworks the night before, but she wasn’t expecting to hear his sounds of delight carry down from Rafael’s bedroom. He’d told her he was going to take the boy upstairs because the view from up there was even better than the one from his living room. She also wasn’t expecting to have such an emotional reaction to the fact she was missing one of her son’s firsts; albeit just a simple viewing of July 4th fireworks. She’d been there for all the firsts in his life with the exception of his birth: walking, talking, first tooth. A lump of emotion formed in her throat when she heard his exclamations and now, a sob bubbled up in her chest. Olivia put her hands over her face and let it out, her breath hitching, as tears ran down her face. She reached for a tissue and wiped them away before blowing her nose. Then she heard Noah clap, laugh and say, “Lookit that one, Uncle Rafa!”

Moving her gaze to the screen across the room where she had on the program showing the same fireworks they were seeing through the window, she saw it was a particularly spectacular explosion.

“Screw it,” she muttered and rubbed her abdomen. “Let’s go watch the fireworks with your big brother.”

Then she swung her legs off the bed and stood up. Olivia made it to the doorway before Rafael appeared with Noah in his arms, coming down the hall.

“We came to watch the rest with you on tv,” he said simply. “We can’t hear the music like you can.”

“I was getting some water,” she lied.

“I’ll get it.”

Rafael deposited Noah on her bed and turned back toward the kitchen. When he returned, mother and son were cuddled on the bed, eyes on the television. He put the glass on her nightstand beside a half full one and rounded the bed to get on so the boy was between them. As she reached for the new glass to take a drink, Olivia’s eyes landed on the monitor and realized the man had probably heard her. By the time the fireworks ended, Noah was asleep, his head pillowed on her belly. Stroking his curls, Olivia kept her eyes on them to avoid Rafael’s gaze and murmured,

“Can you put him in bed?”

“Of course,” he said, getting off the bed and gently scooping up the toddler in his arms. “I’ll be right back.”

Olivia made a quick trip to the bathroom in his absence and had just settled back on top of the covers when he returned. 

“He liked the fireworks,” she said.

“He did,” Rafael agreed and then took the bull by the horns. “If I hadn’t heard you through the baby monitor, you’d have come upstairs, wouldn’t you?”

He didn’t let her answer.

“Those stairs are hard enough to manage for a regular person, Liv, let alone for someone six months pregnant. I nearly fell a dozen times the first month I lived here. I’d have moved; except the view from up there is fabulous. Someday I’ll show you. And we won’t even talk about the fact you’re on bed rest.”

Olivia didn’t answer. She wasn’t sure how to explain to him what she’d been feeling. Finally she lifted her gaze to meet his and only saw concern where she thought she’d see anger or annoyance. She lifted her hands, palms up.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Rafael. I never realized how many things Noah does that I took for granted I’ve missed until I got stuck here!” 

Now she slammed her hands down onto the mattress in frustration.

“Maybe Ed was right,” she said softly, dropping her eyes to her abdomen. “Maybe one child is enough.”

Rafael had been standing, presenting his arguments as if in court, and now he sank down beside her and put on hand on her bump, using the other to lift her head, forcing her to look at him. She could feel the warmth of his palm through her shirt.

“Tucker,” he said, twisting his lips like he had to force the word through them, “is an asshole. He doesn’t deserve you, or this baby. Or Noah. He has no idea what he rejected.”

The baby moved under his touch as if he recognized him and his voice.

“Rafa,” she whispered, reaching out to put a hand to his cheek, her eyes filling with tears. 

“Don’t cry, Liv,” he said softly, moving the hand under her chin to thumb away the moisture.

She gave a hiccoughing sob and tears ran down her cheeks.

“Or cry more,” he teased, giving her a lopsided grin which made her smile, blinking away more tears.

“Sorry. Sometimes I can’t stop them.”

“I know.”

He reached up and turned off the light, leaving the room illuminated only by the television, which Olivia had turned to the PBS station which was re-running the earlier show that had been broadcast from Washington D.C.

“What are you doing?”

“Scoot over and lay down. I want to hold you.” he asked, leaning in to first kiss the salty tracks from her cheeks and then, holding her gaze, Rafael gently kissed her lips. “Can I hold you, Liv?”

The thought of his arms being around her and being held to his strong chest filled her with both a sense of calm and a flush of desire. She nodded and moved over in the bed, as he removed the backrest, replacing them with pillows. Then he joined her on the sheets and Olivia noticed for the first time since he’d brought Noah into the room that he was wearing the same gray shorts and Harvard t shirt from the night before. She rolled onto her side and he pulled the covers over them, wrapping his arm around her and her belly, holding her securely against his chest and tucking his legs behind hers. Olivia closed her eyes, sighed contentedly and relaxed into his embrace. Rafael pressed his lips to her neck where her hair had fallen away and closed his own eyes, listening to the music on the television.

When he opened them again, it took Rafael a moment to remember he was in Olivia’s bed. He was on his back and she was curled up against him best she could with her bump in the way, one leg across his, her hand on his chest. The room was completely dark, save the light from a dim lamp in the hallway he’d put there so Noah could find his way to her at night. He turned his head and kissed her forehead, then turned it back the other to see the time on the alarm clock. A little before 2 a.m. He shifted, moving slowly so as not to wake her, but to go to his own room, loathe as he was to do so.

“ Don’ leave,” Olivia murmured without opening her eyes.

“Are you sure?”

He wasn’t sure if she was even awake enough to know what she was saying but she closed her hand into a fist, holding onto the fabric of his shirt. Rafael covered her hand with his and she relaxed hers.

“Shhh,  _ mi vida _ , I’ll stay,” he whispered and sleep claimed him again.

The next one of them to wake was Olivia and they were back in their original position with Rafael spooned behind her. As she shifted from sleep to consciousness, she was aware of his firm chest against her back; his breathing in synch with hers. His arm was around her again but time his hand was at the top of her abdomen, fingers just grazing the underside of her breast. She wore no bra so the only the thin fabric of her pajama top separated her skin from his. He moved in his sleep and Rafael’s fingertips brushed across her nipple. She bit her lip to keep a sound of pleasure from escaping. Olivia unconsciously arched into his touch and pushed her hips back against a hardness she wasn’t aware had developed. Surprised, she went to shift away but Rafael moved his hand quickly to her hip, holding her in place and she realized he was awake. Suddenly, she was acutely aware of the heat coming off both their bodies. 

Rolling over, she met his gaze. His eyes were hooded with sleep but that didn’t hide the want in them. Reaching for his hand that was resting on her hip, Olivia gave it a little push. He got the message and slid it up her body, slowly, as if learning every curve until he reached its destination. Her eyes fluttered closed when he cupped her breast, his large hand holding it, feeling its weight, gently squeezing before his thumb caressed the bud at its tip. She couldn’t hold back the whimper this time, as his touch sent a wave of pleasure straight to her core. At the sound, his hips moved involuntarily, pushing his erection against her, then he levered up on an elbow so he could kiss her. Remembering her comment the previous morning about brushing teeth — had it only been the day before, he thought briefly — he kept it a closed mouth kiss, moving his lips from hers down her jaw to her neck, as his hand continued to caress her breast. Another breathy moan escaped her when he thumbed her nipple again, her hand reaching out to thread her fingers through his hair. 

“Liv, God,” he muttered against her skin, moving his mouth back to hers and being surprised when she opened her lips to him. 

As they kissed, Olivia shifted restlessly, feeling the dampness growing between her legs, and tried to pull him on top of her, wanting to feel more of him. Rafael ended the kiss, and said,

“Liv, we can’t.”

“Pregnant women have sex, Rafa.”

She looked up at him and he thought she looked beautiful; thoroughly kissed and aroused. He cupped her face and brushed his thumb over her lower lip that she had pushed out in a slight pout.

“Not ones on bed rest. It was one of the first ‘Don’ts’,” he reminded her. “No intercourse.”

She sagged away from him into the mattress with a sigh of disappointment. He bent his head and kissed her briefly.

“Not that I don’t want to,” he said with a grin, flexing his hips against her and Olivia wondered not for the first time that morning if he was as big as he felt. 

She moved her hand down his shoulder and back, to the curve of his ass, giving it a squeeze and then slid it between them. But before she could close her hand around him, he grabbed her hand.

“What are you doing?”

“Just because we can’t…..I don’t want to leave you…..uncomfortable,” she told him, her cheeks growing pink.

“I’ll be fine,” he assured her, bringing her hand up to kiss her knuckles. “The first time I come with you, I want it to be  _ with  _ you.”

His statement made her blush a little more, and he chuckled before rolling away and getting out of the bed. His shorts hid nothing, including the small wet spot on them.

“I’m going to get my shower before Noah wakes up and catches me here,” he said. “That might be hard to explain.”

She nodded and watched him go, relaxing back into the pillows, thinking how much she enjoyed waking up next to Rafael Barba.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael and Olivia settle into their new relationship but encounter a small bump along the way.

There was no discussion about it, but both Rafael and Olivia felt the shift in their relationship after that. He now returned to her room at night once Noah was put to bed and did work while she had the television on at low volume or they would watch something together. Then he climbed beneath the covers with her, holding her close until they were both asleep. In the morning, he would kiss her awake before Noah appeared, but didn’t allow them to get carried away. As promised, he had arranged his schedule to take her to her first doctor’s appointment since being put on bedrest. The day was typical July weather, hot and humid; but Olivia didn’t mind since it was the first she’d been out of the house in two weeks other than the day they moved to Rafael’s apartment. He watched as she smiled and turned her face up to the sky outside the doctor’s office. Since she stopped dressing for work, Olivia had also stopped wearing much makeup and the heat of the and the summer sun were making the freckles Rafael had only recently realized she had, pop. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss every spot.

“You’re procrastinating,” he teased, taking her arm and leading her toward the building.

“Can’t we just go over there and sit in the sun?” Olivia protested good naturedly, pointing at a small green space with benches.

“If you behave and everything is okay,” Rafael told her, adding with a wink like he would give Noah, “and maybe we’ll get ice cream.”

The doctor declared everything was just as it should be. The placenta hadn’t moved any lower, the baby looked healthy and her weight gain was on target if a little on the low side. He told her to keep as she’d been doing and come back in two weeks. The technician printed out some still photos and handed them to Rafael. 

“For your son’s baby book,” she said.

Rafael felt Olivia’s eyes on him and couldn’t bring himself to look at her. He murmured his thanks and tucked the glossy squares into his jacket pocket. Sharing a bed with each other was one thing, but sharing a life was another. He was ready to commit to that but Rafael didn’t know how she felt about it. They hadn’t discussed her plans once the baby was born or even once she was released from bedrest.

“Have you picked out a name?” the technician was asking Olivia now, as she helped her sit up, and Rafael felt guilty for being caught up in his own thoughts and not being more attentive to her needing assistance.

“I’ve thought about a few,” the expectant mother said, “but haven’t made any decisions.”

As Rafael moved to help her off of the exam table, he wondered if she had considered giving the baby any of Tucker’s names. Olivia scheduled her next appointment and they made their way back out into the heat. On the sidewalk, she tucked her arm through his and said, 

“Did I earn my ice cream?”

“What?”

Rafael’s head was filled with images of Tucker deciding he wanted to be part of his son’s life after all, and Olivia naming him Ed, Jr. and he hadn’t been paying attention to her words.

“Ice cream,” Olivia reminded him.

“Oh, right. I just remembered I need to go to the office. I left some paperwork there I need,” Rafael lied. “Can you get yourself into the apartment if I put you in a cab? Lucy is there now with Noah, right?”

“She is. And yes, I’m capable of walking into your apartment if you need to be elsewhere.”

Olivia was puzzled and a little hurt by his sudden standoffishness. The whole ride alone back to Rafael’s place she tried to think of what could have caused his shift in demeanor. She couldn’t think of anything she’d done or said. It wasn’t until Lucy asked how the appointment had been and Olivia told her they had ultrasound photos that she remembered Rafael still had the prints in his jacket. Then she remembered what the technician had said about the photos being for his son’s baby book and how he’d avoided her gaze. She wasn’t sure what that avoidance meant but she now figured it had something to do with why he made up a story of needing to go to his office; from which he hadn’t yet returned. Around dinner time he texted her and asked if Lucy could put Noah to bed and he would be home by nine o’clock. After consulting with Lucy, Olivia replied in the affirmative. When she kissed Noah good night, the toddler asked if Uncle Rafa would be home soon. His mother assured him he would and promised he’d come give him a kiss as well.

Promptly at nine, Olivia heard the front door open and Rafael’s voice speaking to Lucy who was studying in the living room. Lucy came to tell her she was leaving shortly after and then Olivia waited for Rafael to come to her room. But half an hour passed and he didn’t appear. Then another thirty minutes. When a total of ninety minutes had elapsed and she hadn’t seen him, she spoke picked up the baby monitor on the nightstand and spoke into it.

“Barba, I know you can hear me. We need to talk and if you won’t come to me, I’m going to get out of this bed and find you.”

She put the monitor down. She’d wait five minutes and then she was going to find him, bedrest or not. It took him less than three to appear in her doorway. He wore his usual sleeping clothes of shorts and a t-shirt and his hair was excessively disheveled as if he’d been repeatedly running his hands through it. A frisson of pleasure went through her at seeing him again.

“Hi,” Olivia said.

“Hi.”

“I would have come and found you,” she told him.

“I know.”

When he didn’t reply she added, “Before we talk, I promised Noah you would kiss him goodnight when you got home. He asked for you before he went to bed.”

Rafael had the grace to look abashed that he hadn’t been there for the toddler and turned without speaking to go down the hall to the boy’s room. Noah was sleeping diagonal in the police car bed, one foot hanging off the mattress and his blankets half slid onto the floor. Rafael straightened him out and adjusted the covers. Then he ran a loving hand across the child’s curls and bent to kiss his temple.

“Sweet dreams,  _ mijo _ ,” he said softly.

When he returned to Olivia’s room she was just coming out of the bathroom.

“Junior was bouncing on my bladder,” she said with a smile. 

Her smile faded when Rafael’s lips drew tight. She frowned for a moment and then it hit her. Hit her as hard as the baby inside her liked to kick lately.

“Are you upset because you think I’m going to name the baby after Ed?”

As earlier in the day, he didn’t meet her eyes. Olivia held out her hand.

“Come here. Please.”

Rafael moved to perch at the side of the bed, much like he had that first night in the hospital when she got the bedrest assignment. Finally he met her eyes and she saw a tinge of hurt and confusion and she knew she was right.

“Rafael, you have been the one telling me from the start that Tucker is an idiot --”

“Not the word I used,” he muttered, and his mouth twitched with a suppressed smile and hers mirrored the action. Olivia squeezed his hand she still held.

“Whatever word you want to use, you’re right. You told me he doesn’t deserve to be a part of this baby’s life. Why would you think I’d give him his name?”

Rafael visibly relaxed. 

“I don’t know what his first name is going to be yet, but his last name will be Benson.”

The man wanted to say, what about Barba, but knew that was jumping ahead. He settled for leaning in to kiss her and said,

“But you’ve thought about a few, you said. Want to share?”

“Once you’re in bed with me.” She patted the mattress beside her. “I was afraid you were going to sleep upstairs tonight. I don’t like that idea.”

“Me neither.”

Once they were spooned together in the dark, Rafael asked again,

“So what names have you thought of?”

He felt her chuckle silently.

“Why, do you want me to name him after you? Don’t you think one Rafael Barba is enough for this world?”

When he didn’t answer, because he didn’t think he could trust his voice, she continued.

“Noah wants me to name him Eddie. I didn’t try and explain that’s actually what Tucker’s name is. I just told him it would be confusing having two Eddie’s in the family. One name I did consider was Theo. I liked that name when Avery Jordan called her son that. I wonder whatever became of them?”

“Theo is a nice name.”

“You know Rita was behind her mysterious disappearance, right?”

“Who do you think gave her the idea?”

Rafael kissed her skin where neck and shoulder met, thinking about the former sportscaster whose rapist had been granted visitation with his son, forcing her to flee the city with her infant.

“Will you let Tucker have visitation?”

“I’ll cross that bridge if I need to. I don’t know if he’ll even want it. But if he does I will. He isn’t a bad person, Rafael. He just didn’t have any interest in being a father. That might change once the baby’s born.”

Olivia shifted onto her back and turned her head to look at him. She couldn’t see much of his features, but could tell his eyes were open.

“You know I don’t have feelings for Ed anymore, right?”

She reached out and put her palm to his cheek.

“There’s a certain well dressed lawyer who has a penchant for spoiling me and my sons that has my heart now.”

“Liv.” His voice was rough with emotion.

“I don’t want to presume to know how you feel, but I can’t help but think in my current state that you don’t just want me for sex.” 

She laughed.

“Especially since I can’t have any right now.”

Rafael turned his head and kissed her palm, then reached his own out and placed it on the swell of her ever-growing abdomen.

“ _ Te amo _ , Olivia. I love you. I love Noah. And I love this little one growing inside you.”

He heard the soft catch of her breath and slid his arm around her waist to pull her as close as her bump would allow.

“You don’t have to decide now, but I would very much like it if you and Noah and the baby stayed here once he’s born. We can even look for a new place if you’re concerned about the stairs. But know this: I don’t want to spend another night without you in my arms again if I can help it.”

Rafael heard her breathing hitch again, but differently.

“Are you crying?” he asked.

“No. Yes.” Olivia admitted with a laugh. “Sorry. It’s just -- when I first found out I was pregnant and Tucker wanted me to get an abortion, the first person I thought of to go to was you. From the very beginning you took care of me. I haven’t let people do that. But with you it’s different. It’s always been different with you, Rafael. I wish -- I wish this baby was yours.”

She put her face into his chest and quiet sobs shook her. He felt her tears soaking through his shirt. Rafael rubbed her back and said,

“Shhh, don’t cry. Don’t get worked up.”

He took both hands and tipped her face up so he could wipe away her tears with his thumbs.

“It doesn’t matter if this baby isn’t my blood. I’ll love him as much as if he was. Just like I do Noah.”

He sealed his declaration with a kiss.

******

Their lives fell into a comfortable routine with Barba leaving the apartment when he needed to be in court, but otherwise working from home. He and Lucy took turns taking Noah to preschool and picking him up while Olivia tried to keep in touch and updated with her squad via frequent video chats on the television in the bedroom. One day she was talking with Mike Dodds about a case when her phone rang. Seeing it was Lucy and knowing she and Noah had gone to the park, she interrupted him to take the call.

“Liv, hi,” said the young woman. “Noah and I are here at the park and there’s a little boy about his age who seems to be all by himself.”

“Did you ask him if he has an adult with him or if he’s lost?”

“I did and I don’t know if he doesn’t understand or speak English, but all he did was look at me and keep filling his bucket with sand. He’s sitting in the sandbox,” Lucy told her.

“Is there a uniformed officer nearby?” Olivia asked.

“Yes.”

“Good. Go tell him I’m sending someone over and to stay with the boy,” the lieutenant instructed her, then looked at the television screen. “Did you get any of that, Dodds?”

“Lost boy?”

“Yes, in Central Park. I’ll have the uni call in his location so you’ll know where to go.”

“Copy that, Lieutenant,” Dodds said.

“And keep me apprised,” Olivia told him.

She ended the video call and returned to her phone.

“Lucy?”

“I’m still here, Liv,” the nanny replied. “I told the officer what you said and I heard what you told Sergeant Dodds and he said he would radio in his location.”

“Great, thank you. Are you and Noah coming home?”

“Can we wait with the little boy? He looked afraid of the officer but he smiled at me and Noah.”

Something in the back of her mind told Olivia to say no, but it was a beautiful day, she still had paperwork to get done and what harm could a lost little boy be, so she agreed. 

The newly formed family of three were finishing dinner in her room together when she got a text from Dodds, telling her the boy was with child services while they looked for his mother but there was a loaded 9mm handgun in the backpack he had with him. The color drained from Olivia’s face as she read, thinking the child could have used it to shoot Noah or Lucy.

“Liv?” Rafael asked, returning to the room after taking plates to the kitchen.

She heard the concern in his voice and knew he was thinking it was the baby. 

“I’m fine,” she assured him. “Just work.”

Olivia forced a smile and looked at Noah.

“What’s for dessert tonight? More brownies?”

His blue eyes sparkled. 

“Me’n Uncle Rafa made dirt,” the boy told her.

“Dirt? Why would you want to eat dirt?”

His mother crinkled her nose in pretend disgust, knowing well what he was referring to. Noah giggled and Rafael chimed in.

“It has worms in it, too, right  _ mijo _ ?”

His use of the Spanish term of endearment caught Olivia’s attention and she looked at him, remembering their conversation and his assurance that he loved both Noah and her unborn son as if they were his own blood. Tears filled her eyes and he reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. She tipped her head against it, then turned and kissed his wrist before blinking away the tears and looking at Noah.

“Worms? Did you dig them up in Central Park?”

The toddler giggled again.

“Not  _ real  _ worms, Momma!”

Rafael held his hand out to the boy.

“Come help me. You can carry the spoons.”

Olivia made the appropriate reactions to the dessert cups of oreo crumbs, pudding, whipped cream and gummy worms, but the lawyer could see her mind was elsewhere. He waited until Noah was in bed and stood in the doorway to the bathroom while she brushed her teeth. Sharing simple but intimate acts such as this with each other had come naturally and she met his eyes in the mirror before spitting into the sink.

“What?” she asked, reaching for a paper cup to fill with water.

Rafael leaned against the frame and crossed his arms.

“What was in that text?”

Olivia rinsed her mouth and dried it with a towel before replying.

“What text?”

She tried to walk past him into the bedroom, but her increased girth wouldn’t allow the two of them in the doorway. Rafael put his hands at her waist, rubbing gentle circles with his thumbs.

“You know, mental stress is just as bad as physical stress,” he said gently. “I don’t want to make you stop working.”

She raised her eyebrows.

“Make me?”

“Bad choice of words. Sorry.”

He dropped his hands and stepped back out of the doorway so she could exit the bathroom.

“But I’m just thinking of you and the baby.”

Olivia got into bed and pulled up the covers.

“I know.” 

She sighed.

“Remember that lost boy Lucy and Noah found at the park today?”

Rafael nodded and sat down facing her on the edge of the bed.

“Dodds said they found a loaded Glock in his backpack.”

Olivia reached out and put her hand on his leg. He could feel her fingernails through the fabric of his shorts.

“Why does a four year old have a loaded handgun, Rafael? What if he had pulled it out when Noah and Lucy were talking to him? He could have shot them!”

Rafael reached out and drew her into his arms.

“But he didn’t,” he soothed, rubbing her back. “I’m going to the office tomorrow. I’ll see what I can find out about the boy. See if Rollins or Dodds has found his mother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you are familiar with the season following the one where this story "started", you'll recognize the story line I've woven in at the end. I actually toyed with it being Barba at the park and having the boy pull the gun on him and Noah like he did Olivia and Noah in canon, but decided that was a little too much stress for her. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. I'm trying to get caught up on my WIPs to give you all more to read during this life-changing time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia and Rafael learn more about the boy found in Central Park and that keeping work separate from their new relationship isn't always easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a lovely LONG chapter for you. 7,360 words long, so get your snacks ready and thank you for waiting! Chapter 6 ended with what happened, more or less, in S18 E1: Terrorized. This one continues that storyline with modifications to fit this plot. I didn't realize until I re-watched the ep how many delicious Benson-Barba confrontations there are in it. I knew I needed to keep them in and I hope I kept the same I love-you-but-you-annoy-me-because-we-disagree tension even though I had to change them slightly. Obviously, Mike Dodds is still alive. I'm not a fan of his character (sorry to all who are), but I needed to keep him alive to continue being the interim commander. 
> 
> As always, these characters are not mine, I derive nothing from them except my and my readers' pleasure at putting them in new storylines. Many thanks to Dick Wolf and NBC for giving them to us!

The first thing Olivia did in the morning was send a text to Dodds and Fin and tell them to run prints and touch DNA on the unregistered gun and got a reply that it was already in the works. Of course it was, she thought, that little voice in the back of her head reminding her they were doing just fine without her. Then she waited for Rafael to return or someone to call with an update on the boy. The first response she got was from Carisi who told her there had been a woman knocked down by a bicyclist in the park the same day. She died from head trauma and her personal effects had items that indicated she might have been related to or the boy’s caregiver. He said he and Amanda were headed to the woman’s apartment.

The expectant mother tried to occupy her morning by helping Noah work on writing his letters and composing a grocery list with Lucy and Noah’s help by telling her what they were low on in the kitchen. Once they’d left for some outdoor time in the park, she decided to take a shower to kill more time waiting for more information and hoping that the reason she hadn’t heard from her detectives was because they didn’t have anything new and not because they’d forgotten to tell her. When Rafael unlocked the door, the apartment was quiet. Thinking both Olivia and Noah were napping, he closed it gently and made his way to the living area. 

“Lucy?” he said softly but got no reply.

Frowning, he continued down the hallway, toward Noah’s room but stopped outside Olivia’s when he heard the shower running behind the closed bathroom door then several muted thuds and a loud exclamation.

He moved swiftly and knocked,

“Olivia? Liv, are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” Her voice was muffled by the water and wooden door.

“What?”

“I dropped the soap, then my razor and -- Rafael what are you doing?”

The man had opened the door and stepped inside.

“I couldn’t hear you. What happened? Are you okay?”

His concern for Olivia had overridden the thought that she was naked and now he thanked whoever had designed the apartment for putting frosted doors on the shower. Frosted, steamed up glass panes notwithstanding, he could still make out her form on the other side and was having a hard time tearing his eyes away from the curves of her breasts and abdomen, full with child.

“I said, I dropped the soap, then my razor and when I tried to bend over to pick them up, knocked the shampoo off the ledge.”

She turned off the water and slid the door part way open, extending her arm.

“Can you hand me the towel please?”

Rafael was lost in thought, imagining taking her hand and helping her from the stall, then drying her body himself, following the towel’s path with his lips. He did some mental arithmetic. Olivia would hit the 28 week mark in a few days. The doctor wanted her to get to 32 to 36 weeks for the baby to be born safely. He didn’t know how long after childbirth a woman needed to wait to have sex, but he figured it would be close to the end of the year or after before he could touch the woman on the other side of the glass doors the way he wanted.

“Rafa?”

She slid the door open a little further and he got a glimpse of water droplets and freckles on the skin above her breasts. He swiveled his gaze to the towel bar before it went lower and plucked it off.

“Sorry. Here.”

He put the towel in her hand and turned to leave

“I’ll, ah, just go change my clothes.”

As he left the bathroom, her gentle laughter followed him.

When Rafael returned, she was dressed and he’d gotten his libido under control enough to reprimand her for showering alone.

“You could have slipped and gotten hurt,” he chastised, gently pushing her damp hair away from her face.

“You’re right,” she admitted. “I was just trying to keep myself occupied; waiting to hear back from someone. Fin had already thought to send the gun to the lab. Did you learn anything?”

He had. The woman who died had definitely been a relative or caretaker of the boy, whose name Amanda and Carisi discovered was Ali. Following the name of the diner on takeout containers in the apartment, the detectives learned the child’s mother was Ana Kapic, a Bosnian national in the country on a student visa. But the address she’d given her employer was fake and the phone number belonged to a burner phone. The diner manager also told them Ana had often come to work with bruises or a black eye.

The information only served to frustrate the bedridden lieutenant. All they had was the boy’s name and his mother’s name. They still didn’t know where she was or why Ali had been with the woman who died. That left a child who didn’t speak English in the care of social services. When Rafael brought her coffee the following morning, she threatened to defy the doctor’s orders and go to work if her squad didn’t come up with something soon. When she saw the lawyer’s gaze shift to her in the mirror where he stood finishing the knot in his tie, she held up her hands.

“I won’t. I promise,” she told him. “But I want to.”

Tie finished, Rafael sat beside her and kissed her, placing a palm on her belly.

“I know you do. But you’ve been doing so well, Liv. Hopefully the doctor says so at your appointment and maybe you and _nuestro amiguito_ can start to get up a little more.”

As if he knew he was being talked about the baby kicked against the man’s touch.

“See, even he agrees with me.” Rafael smiled.

Olivia unnecessarily straightened his tie and patted his chest.

“Go to work so you can come home. Noah wants to show you how he can print his name.”

Later than morning, Fin called to tell her they’d gotten a partial print on the gun in Ali’s backpack. It belonged to a man named Luka Terzik. He was in the system from an arrest for possession but the charges had been dropped. Fin told her that he, Dodds, Carisi and Amanda were going to the man’s last known address. 

As they’d talked, the detective had heard the eagerness in her voice to know all the details; however small, and the wistfulness, the unspoken desire to be able to go with them. This was the first time in more than fifteen years that Olivia had been sidelined from the action for more than a couple days. The former Army Ranger had a thought. He bid his commanding officer goodbye, promising to keep her updated.

“Good. Ask him,” she began fiercely, and stopped to swallow back the emotion she felt building in her throat. “Fin, you ask him  _ why  _ his Glock was in the backpack of a four year old.”

Olivia ended the call with a sigh, sinking back into the pillows.

A short while later, she got a text from Fin, telling her he had emailed her a link. Opening her laptop, she found the email link connected her to a livestream. Olivia didn’t realize what it was at first until she saw Carisi’s back and Amanda’s profile. Fin was wearing a body camera and letting her see them while they went to Luka Terzik’s apartment! She could hear them talking as they climbed stairs in a low rent building. She wondered if they could hear her.

“Fin! How did you manage this? No, don’t tell me now. Can you hear me? Can anyone else?”

“Jus’ me Liv,” came the quiet reply.

She sat back and watched as Dodds approached an apartment door and knocked firmly, identifying himself. They got no answer. She heard Carisi say,

“Abandoned kid, missing mother.”

“Sounds like exigent circumstances to me,” added Amanda.

Dodds stepped back and motioned to Fin, rubbing the shoulder where he’d been shot in February while chasing escaped serial killer Gregory Yates.

“Go ahead, detective.”

Olivia rolled her eyes at the sergeant’s unwillingness to be the first through the door.

Fin announced their presence again and the cheap wooden door gave way easily to his weight. From the moment her squad entered the apartment, Olivia could tell there were no occupants. It was sparsely furnished and looked like Terzik and whomever else might have lived there had left in a hurry.

“Look,” she heard Carisi say. Fin turned and she saw her newest detective holding a framed photograph of Terzik, Ana and Ali.

She watched as Dodds’ gloved hand opened a laptop that had been torn apart and the hard drive removed.

“They didn’t want to leave any evidence behind,” he said.

Fin moved down a short hallway and peered through one open door into an empty bathroom then approached another that was closed, gun drawn. It was strange for Olivia to watch her detective work on screen. It was almost like watching television. Except she knew the players and that the bullets in their guns were real. The man pulled the door open part way and her own intake of breath echoed Fins.

She whispered, even though he was the only person who could hear her, “My God. Who is this guy?”

He didn’t answer because he didn’t have one and turned his head back down the hallway to the others and spoke,

“We got a problem here.”

Rollins, Carisi and Dodds joined him as he carefully opened the door the rest of the way to reveal the contents of the small room beyond. The walls were lined with rifles, handguns and ammunition. A shelf had what appeared to be the beginnings of a bomb and there were other bomb making components beside and below it.

“Get back,” she whispered, more to herself than Fin, trying to take in as much as she could from what she saw through Fin’s camera. 

“Get back,” Olivia then heard Dodds say. “Nobody touch anything,”

Dodds spoke again as Fin took a step back and turned away from the small armory.

“Call ESU and the Bomb Squad. I’ll call Joint Terrorism and my father.”

“Of course he will,” Olivia muttered as the camera feed ended. Her phone vibrated with a text from Fin that he would keep her posted.

She leaned back and ran her hands through her hair. That room had the makings for a mass casualty event. But in a city like New York, the possible targets were endless. And there she was, stuck in a bed like an invalid, she thought, when she should be at the precinct with her squad helping to follow up every lead. Olivia pulled up the case files. She had access to everything that they did. Maybe there was something she could do.

That’s where Rafael found her when he got home, squinting at the laptop, surrounded by papers. Even Lucy has been pressed into detective work, going through pages of he didn’t know what while Noah was glued to the television where cartoons played. He wondered how long the boy had been watching and when the last time was Olivia drank some water.

“Uncle Rafa!” Noah exclaimed. “Lucy and momma are ‘searching.”

“Researching,” Lucy corrected, and looked up at Rafael. “Hello, Mr. Barba.”

“Hello, Lucy.” 

He picked up the remote and turned off the flat screen, ignoring the toddler’s sound of protest. Then he walked over, plucked Noah up off the bed and balanced him on his hip. The boy wrapped a small hand around one of his suspenders.

“I think you’ve had enough television and it’s time for Lucy to turn in her badge.”

The nanny looked at the clock. 

“Oh my gosh, I didn’t realize it was so late!”

“Don’t you have class tonight?” Rafael asked.

“I do! I’m going to be late!” 

The young woman scrambled off the bed, scattering papers and finally getting Olivia’s attention. She lifted her head and looked at Rafael, blinking as her eyes refocused and she absorbed the conversation that had been taking place.

“Oh my gosh, Lucy, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept you this long. Bring me my purse, I’ll give you money for a cab,” she said, closing the laptop.

“No need,” Rafael said. “My ride is waiting downstairs and he’s already paid.”

Lucy dashed out of the bedroom to get her belongings, shouting her thanks. Olivia smiled lovingly at him, amazed that he knew Lucy was still here and would need a ride to make her class on time. But his never ending attention to the details and how he cared for not just her and Noah but Lucy as well filled the expectant mother with emotion. 

“Rafael,” she began, but was interrupted by Noah squirming frantically.

“Down, down,” he pleaded. 

The man lowered him to the floor and the boy ran for the bathroom.

“I’m surprised he didn’t have an accident as long as he was watching television,” Olivia said, feeling guilty she had gotten so absorbed into what she’d been doing.

Rafael looked at the side of his trousers where he’d been holding Noah. There was a small damp spot. His eyes met hers.

“I’ll put him in the tub before dinner,” he said smoothly and turned to follow the child to the bathroom. A moment later, a completely naked Noah streaked past her, giggling, with Rafael on his heels, a set of small clothes in his hands.

Olivia watched, thinking about how it had become second nature for him to bathe Noah and how he was unbothered by the boy getting a bit of urine on his suit when the first time he held him it was at arms’ length. If she let herself, she could almost imagine they were becoming a family.

******

The next morning, while she was still sifting through the information they had on Terzik, a video connection appeared from Amanda. She could hear it was the squad room, but couldn’t see anything. In the chat window, her detective told her she thought she might want to hear what was going on, but she was leaving the camera covered. Olivia did the same, so nothing appeared on the other woman’s computer. 

The SVU lieutenant could hear Chief Dodds saying he wanted the boy questioned. Fin replied he was four years old and didn’t speak English. Dodds said get a translator. Olivia rolled her eyes. She listened while she continued what she’d been doing. Suddenly she sat up straight. She sent a message to Amanda, typing rapidly and sending her a file. Then she heard her speak to Carisi and both of them speaking, presumably to Chief and Sergeant Dodds.

“Liv has been doing some digging and she found the name of the person paying the rent on Terzik’s apartment,” Carisi said. “An Armin Sidran.”

“Lieutenant Benson has been what?” she heard her interim replacement ask. “I thought she was on bed rest.”

“The address on the checks is an insurance firm in midtown,” added Amanda, as if she hadn’t heard.

“Go!” said the elder Dodds to the detectives. He didn’t care who had found the information. All that mattered was the lead. “Go!”

Rollins dashed back to her desk for her jacket and whispered to the computer, before closing the laptop and ending the connection.

“Thanks, Liv.”

Olivia tried to keep herself occupied by looking at the book of names Rafael bought her. He was working in his bedroom, and could hear her trying names out loud, smiling and writing down the ones he could tell she liked the sound of, adding Barba at the end of them instead of Benson. When he looked at the list he ended up with on his yellow legal pad, like some lovesick teenager, he shook his head at himself and tore the sheet off. Finally they learned that Armin Sidran was Terzik’s half brother and had been taken into custody. It was Carisi who called Barba, telling him they had found the fugitive’s cell phone but it was locked.

“He’s trying to destroy evidence, Lieu,” Carisi said to the pair via the call Barba put on speakerphone. “First the laptop, now his phone. He cracked the screen. We need a warrant to compel the phone manufacturer to unlock it for us.”

Rafael looked at Olivia. She had looked a little pale that morning and when he asked her if she was feeling alright, she admitted she had a headache. Knowing that an increase in blood pressure could cause a headache and also be a potential problem for her already at-risk pregnancy, he suggested she call the doctor. She demurred, saying it was probably just from not sleeping well. She’d been awake half the night, wondering what was going on with the case and if anyone had been able to talk to little Ali or if he was still alone and afraid.

He muted the call.

“How’s your headache?” Rafael asked, knowing the answer before she replied. He knew the pain was still there. He could see it on her face.

“Still there,” Olivia admitted. “But better. Don’t worry about me, Rafael. That phone might help find Ana too. Her son is still alone and wondering where his mother is.”

She reached over and unmuted the call.

“Rafael will go see the judge about the warrant.”

When the call ended, she took Rafael’s hand in hers.

“You go put on one of those three piece suits that make you look all lawyerly and convince the judge we need this. While you’re gone I’ll check in with the doctor’s office and try and take a nap.”

“Lawyerly?” 

He raised an eyebrow.

“Well, I didn’t think telling you a vest makes you look sexy would be a good argument when you’re going to see a judge about a warrant.”

He bobbled his head back and forth in agreement.

“Did you have a particular lawyerly looking suit in mind?”

“The dark gray pinstripe one.”

He offered her his lopsided smile and leaned forward to kiss her before standing up.

“Done.”

As he crossed through the doorway into the hall she called out,

“With that dark teal and light purple diagonal stripe tie.”

Olivia smiled when he didn’t turn but raised his arm with a wave of acknowledgement.

True to her word, while he was successfully persuading the judge to sign the warrant, she called the doctor’s office who said to call back if the pain didn’t go away with rest and some pain relievers and she did try and nap. Like Barba, she was successful and woke feeling better. Until Lucy told her to turn on the television and she saw there had been a shooting in Central Park and an off duty NYPD officer was one of the victims. Snatching up her phone, she paused, wondering who to call and decided on Amanda, who filled her in on what went down.

They’d gotten a facial recognition hit on a traffic camera that identified both Terzik and Ana entering Central Park. As they arrived, they heard the gunshots and pursued them both. Terzik was shot and killed by a member of SWAT and Ana surrendered. There were a total of four wounded, two critically and one dead. The NYPD officer was the one who had died, Amanda told her and Olivia closed her eyes. One dead officer was one too many.

“The feds are trying to get information from Ana, but she isn’t talking. She only wants to know about Ali, Liv,” Amanda said.

“Of course she does. She probably is wondering where he is and why she hasn’t heard from the woman who had him. You go talk to her, Amanda. She’ll probably be more willing to talk to a woman. Tell her what happened and that Ali is safe.”

“The feds won’t let me go alone.”

“That’s fine. They’ll be happy if you get them some information. Keep me posted.”

Rollins promised she would and the first update came in the form of a text a little while later.

** _Rita Calhoun is representing Ana!_ **

“Representing terrorists now, Rita?” Olivia murmured at the message, tucking that bit of information away to tell Rafael if he hadn’t already heard.

The detective called her shortly after to tell her that Calhoun said Ana had no idea what Terzik had planned for the park and also that the FBI had let Armin go so they could watch him and listen to any chatter because they discovered he had connections to a controversial mosque in Queens. None of the SVU squad were happy about that, but could do nothing, she reported. As she was ending the call, Noah ran in telling her Uncle Rafa was on television.

She turned the device on and caught one of the local news stations that was among those swarming him on his way into the courthouse. Not wanting Noah to hear any of the details, she muted the screen but turned on the closed captioning as Barba was saying,

“A decorated NYPD officer with three children was shot and killed. What this woman did is called murder in the state of New York.”

*****

“You looked good on television in that suit I chose,” Olivia teased Rafael that night.

It was late when he got home and once Lucy had gone, he went straight to change before kissing the sleeping toddler and joining Olivia in her room.

“All I saw was more gray hairs on my head,” he replied, running his fingers through said locks before sinking down next to her on the bed with a sigh. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to tuck Noah in.”

“Don’t worry about it. You can’t be here every night.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to say ‘But I should be and want to be’ but he bit his lip and changed the subject.

“Can you believe Rita wanted ROR?”

“Can you believe Rita is representing her?”   
  
“It’s all just a job to her, Liv. Although I’m not sure who’s paying Ana’s bill. But that’s not the show stopper.”

He slid down on the mattress until the pillows were under his head and closed his eyes.

“Calhoun claims Ana was raped and tortured hours before the shooting in Central Park by her fiance and his brother. That if she hadn’t cooperated and gone with Terzik, she’d have been killed. Can you believe that? God, I’m tired. Will you still kiss me goodnight if I don’t get up to brush my teeth?”

When Olivia didn’t reply, he cracked open an eye.

“What?”

“Please tell me you didn’t put a rape victim in jail, Rafael.”

“She’s a suspected terrorist and murder suspect. We have Ana at the scene with an AR-15 around her shoulder. She was five feet away from the shooter. And somehow she’s the victim? Besides, my arraignment was just a formality. She’s in federal custody.”

“Do you think Rita’s making it up?”

“I think she’s desperately looking for a defense.”

“What does Ana’s statement say?”

Rafael closed his eyes tightly and pressed his lips together, suppressing the sigh that wanted to escape. Olivia wasn’t going to just let this be pillow talk. He opened his eyes and rolled to a sitting position.

“Where are you going?”

“To get my briefcase.”

When he returned he handed her a folder, remaining on his feet because he felt an argument coming and after years in the courtroom, he was more comfortable rebutting that way, even if he was barefoot and in shorts and a t-shirt. Olivia opened it and read the affidavit inside. Then she fixed her brown gaze on him.

“This states that Luka and his brother have been repeatedly raping her for the last five years.”

“Calhoun’s covering her tracks. It means nothing.”

“It’s a  _ disclosure _ , Barba. It means something.”

He winced internally. She used his surname. She was annoyed.

“Liv --”

“Just because she’s a murder defendant, doesn’t mean she’s not a rape victim.”

“You’re playing into the defense. If you investigate, you’ll be legitimizing her story.”

Olivia could feel her pulse beginning to race. He’d given her push back before about whether a victim was a credible witness but Rafael had never questioned the validity of a disclosure before.

“Are you telling me we should ignore it?”

“Just make sure your squad and Dodds is careful. This case is too big. It’s too important.”

Rafael took the folder from her and slid it back into his briefcase. He could tell she was getting worked up and he wanted her to remain calm. For hers and the baby’s sake. He chose his words carefully.

“Given what’s been happening lately. San Bernardino, Orlando --”

“I know,” Olivia clipped, but he continued.

“Dallas, France. People are fed up. Ana needs to go down. Hard. No matter how tragic or heartbreaking her story might be.”

Green eyes met brown and he mentally pleaded for her to understand.

“I understand that. But no matter, I’m still the head of the Special Victims Unit and when someone in our city claims to have been assaulted, we investigate. And because  _ I  _ can’t speak to Ana, I want Amanda to talk to her again tomorrow.”

Olivia scooted down in the bed and rolled to her side. 

“Since you got up, go brush your teeth and come back and kiss me goodnight.”

The next day, Olivia coached Amanda before she went to talk to Ana a second time.

“Tell her you’re just there to hear what happened. Tell Rita you won’t ask about the shooting or the weapons in the apartment. She’s a victim. Get her to tell you what Armin and Luka did to her.”  
  
“Copy that, Lieutenant.”

When Rafael returned home after a couple meetings at the courthouse he hadn’t been able to avoid, he heard voices coming from Olivia’s room and they weren’t Lucy and Noah’s.

“What the hell?” he muttered and hurried down the hall.

He found her sitting in bed, looking and acting like she was behind her desk, with Rollins perched on the corner of the mattress and Dodds leaning against the dresser with his arms folded.

“Liv, what’s going on?”

“Amanda came to fill me in on her meeting with Ana this morning and Chief Dodds tagged along to say hello.”

She smiled but the smile told him Dodds’ presence wasn’t one she was enjoying.

“Good, I wondered how it went.”

He shrugged out of his jacket and put it on the hanger on the doorknob he’d put there that morning when he finished getting dressed in her room. One of Dodds' bushy eyebrows twitched but he said nothing.

“As I was telling the lieutenant and chief,” Amanda said, “the rape kit confirmed vaginal and anal intercourse; tearing and abrasions. She was brutalized. The lab is running DNA on semen as well.”

“Ana told Amanda that Luka and his brother assaulted her two mornings ago. Before the shootings. She said she accidentally hit Armin in the face and he took his belt to her. She showed Amanda bruises on her hips and stomach,” Olivia told Rafael.

Amanda continued.

“She said she wanted to call the police but she was afraid for herself and Ali.”

Dodds pulled out his phone and looked at the screen, shaking his head.

“So she was raped,” he said. “Doesn’t mean she didn’t kill one of our own or that college kid.” 

He waved the device. “Kid died twenty minutes ago.”

Rafael nodded.

“I agree. The rape claim has nothing to do with the criminal charges.”

Olivia and Amanda exchanged incredulous looks.

“It might make her more sympathetic to a jury. They might doubt whether she was really a willing participant in the shootings.”

“I think we should put the brakes on the rape investigation until the trial is over,” said Dodds.

Olivia straightened her spine, wishing she could get out of the bed and get in the chief’s face.

“I understand there’s something bigger at play here. I really do. I get it. But I’m not sure that should matter.”

“Are you serious?”

“I am. With all due respect, Chief, I can’t not do this. I’m just trying to do my job.”

“With all due respect, Lieutenant, you aren’t really doing your job. Not in your current condition. So why don’t you leave the deciding what is and is not investigated right now up to me and your sergeant?”

Dodds turned on his heel to leave, pausing at the doorway to look back at Rollins.

“Coming detective?”

Amanda looked at Olivia who nodded imperceptibly and she stood up and scurried after him.

“I’ll see you out,” Rafael said, following the pair out of the room.

When he returned, Olivia was sitting back against the pillows, a stunned look on her face.

“He didn’t mean it,” he told her softly.

“Sure he did. He’s not wrong either.”

She shook her head and he knew she was again doubting her decision to go through with this pregnancy. Rafael sat down beside her, putting one hand on the other side of her to support his weight, much as he had the first night they kissed. With his other, he tipped her chin up forcing her to meet his gaze.

“Hey. Don’t do that. He’s just pissed off because you aren’t agreeing with him.”

Olivia blinked back the tears that had threatened.

“I know we all want someone to pay for what happened in the park, but I’m not sure that person is Ana, Rafael.”

He leaned back, shifting his weight off his hand.

“You’re wrong.”

His two words flipped the expression on her face from self pity back to stubborn.

“She was beaten and raped less than forty eight hours before the attack.”

“Irrelevant,” he countered. “She’s just as guilty as Luka. Rape or no rape. She’s a killer. That’s what I’m going to tell the jury.”

Her phone on the nightstand buzzed with an incoming text. She snatched it up, read it and shook it at him.

“That was Amanda. The DNA came back on Ali. Armin is his father. That means he has parental rights.”

“Liv, I understand --”

“You understand? Ana’s going to prison, right? If the feds can’t come up with a case against Armin, then that -- that monster, is going to get custody of that little boy. And don’t tell me my  _ current condition _ is coloring my judgement about this, Barba. It's a fact. She goes to jail, he gets the boy.”

She pushed at his shoulder and he stood, watching her swing her legs off the bed and stand, taking a moment to get her balance. He put a hand out behind her in case she wobbled.

“Where are you going?”  
  
“I’m not going  _ anywhere  _ but to the bathroom. And when I come back, I’m going to call my detectives and tell them I’m still in charge of this unit and that we are going to investigate a case that everyone else wants us to ignore.”

She strode past him as dignified as she could, although she felt like she was waddling like a duck and closed the bathroom door with a satisfying slam.

Over the next few days, the SVU detectives did exactly that. They questioned Armin Sidran who at first denied he’d ever had sex with Ana, but when confronted with the DNA test that proved he was Ali’s father, changed his story before asking for a lawyer and calling Ana a manipulative whore who had ruined his brother’s life, turning him into a killer and a radical.

At the same time, Barba was doing as his boss’s instructed, and worked on keeping the rape allegations from being used as Ana’s defense by Rita. Rita wanted to call Olivia as a witness, using her experience in sex crimes and belief in Ana’s claims to refute Barba’s argument but since bed rest precluded her from going to the courtroom and since Amanda was the one who had actually spoken with Ana, she was the one who took the stand. She called Olivia afterward and said she hoped she helped Calhoun’s case. As she was speaking to her, Chief Dodds beeped in on her phone. When she switched over, he began speaking without a greeting.

“What are you now, a defense lawyer? You sent Rollins to testify for Calhoun.”

“I did what I thought was right. She wanted me but since I haven’t actually spoken to Ana -- “

“You are aware that our goal is to win this case,” Dodds interrupted.

“I am. What did you want Amanda to do? Perjure herself?” she replied.

He told her that the city had stuck its neck out with the feds to get the case to and please pretend she’s on the right side before hanging up without saying goodbye. She dropped the phone onto the bed and sighed, rubbing her abdomen, when she realized Rafael was standing in the doorway.

“You looking for a fight too?” she asked wearily.

They were trying to keep the fact that they disagreed about this case and their personal lives separate. Once he came home for the day, they didn’t talk about work. They had dinner together with Noah if he was home early enough, he bathed the boy, read to him and tucked him in for the night before returning to her room where they watched television and snuggled together until they both fell asleep.

“You look tired.”

He sat beside her.

“I’m tired of being in this bed and I’m tired of this case.”

“I came here to tell you that the judge ruled in our favor.”

“Not our favor, your favor,” she reminded him.

“Either way, the rape testimony isn’t coming in.” 

Rafael reached out and brushed a wayward strand of hair away from her face.

“Liv, like I keep telling you. This case is different. I can’t stay. I just came home to see you.”

She tipped her head and smiled at him.

“I’m glad you did.”

She leaned forward and he met her halfway for a tender kiss.

“This will be over soon,” he said softly. She didn’t know if he meant the case or her bed rest, because she didn’t see either with an end in sight.

After he’d gone, she called Rita Calhoun.

“Ordinarily I’d track you down, counselor, but since I’m stuck where I am for the foreseeable future, do you think you could stop over? I assume you know where Rafael lives?” 

Being one of Rafael’s oldest friends, Rita of course knew where he lived although she hadn’t been there in a while. She also knew that the SVU lieutenant had moved into his apartment and why, but had forgotten about it until that very moment. As she made her way there, she pondered what exactly was the status of their relationship. However, she assumed that wasn’t why she had been summoned. After being shown to the spare bedroom which looked very different from the one and only time she had stayed in it after an evening of too much tequila by a young woman she assumed was Benson’s son’s nanny, she greeted Olivia.

“What did you want to talk about? My opening argument?”

“No, I only help Rafael with those. I wanted to talk to you about Ana’s case. It’s over.”

Olivia indicated a chair that she’d asked Lucy to bring into the room. She couldn’t exactly have Rita Calhoun sitting on the end of her bed. The defense attorney seated herself and smoothed her skirt.

“I know we lost the motion; I get it.”

“You’re not going to win, Rita. This case is too important to too many people. It’s time to cut a deal. For Ana’s sake. Rafael will listen today. Now. But once he goes to trial, he’s going to have no choice but to max her out.”

“That’s no reason to cut a deal.”

“No, but this is.”

Olivia held out a folder she’d asked Amanda to send her.

“Armin Sidran is seeking sole custody of Ali. If you cut a deal on the the murder and terrorism charge, it will give us more leverage to pursue the rape case.”

She watched Rita’s face as she read the documents. Olivia knew the other woman knew as well as she did the boy couldn’t end up with his biological father. Rita lifted her gaze to meet hers and she added,

“And make sure Armin never goes near that little boy again.”

When Rafael returned home that night he broke their new unspoken rule.

“Rita asked me to cut a deal this afternoon. Did you have anything to do with that?” he asked, coming straight into her room.

“And hello to you,” she replied, putting a finger to her lips. Noah was asleep in the bed beside her. “He wanted to stay up until you got home but he didn’t make it.”

“Let me change and I’ll carry him to his bed.”

He changed quickly and returned to carry the toddler to his police car bed. Once he was tucked in, he returned to finish the conversation he started, to hell with keeping things separate. She wasn’t keeping things separate, talking to Rita.

“So did you have anything to do with Rita’s request? She told me you asked her to come see you.”

“Well, I couldn’t very well wait for her outside her office, could I?” Olivia retorted. “I told her that Armin wanted custody of Ali. We all agree that’s a bad idea.”

“I told her the charge had to be murder one. She said they’d accept that on two conditions. First was that at sentencing I would advocate for twenty to life and keep the possibility of parole on the table. I can do that.”

“And the second?” she prompted.

“She wanted me to agree that I’d use my best efforts to prosecute Armin for rape.”

“We’re doing that.”

“No, you’re doing that, Liv. I couldn’t agree to that but I told her that you and your detectives were investigating and if you found sufficient evidence -- “

“You’ll be ordered to bury it,” Olivia finished.

“Did you talk to Rita after I met with her?”

“No, but I know you and I know your bosses. I worked with them before you came to SVU.”

“Ana spoke to me when I was leaving. Do you know what she said, Liv? She said, ‘I don’t want my son to be raised by that man.’”

Rafael paced in front of the dresser. He had known Ana meant Ali and Armin, but for a moment, he heard Olivia telling him she didn’t want her unborn son being raised by Tucker, even though he had biological rights. He stopped and faced her, standing at the end of the bed.

“I wanted to tell her I would make sure that didn’t happen. But I couldn’t. All I could tell her was that you were investigating and if you found sufficient evidence --”

“For God’s sake, Rafa!”

“Did Rita give you her script or what? That’s exactly what she said!”

“Because we both know you. We know you kept parroting that line because you couldn’t commit to something, even though deep down you wanted to,” Olivia said. “Even though we have the evidence we need. What?”

He didn’t want to upset or disappoint the woman sitting in the bed before him any more than he already had. But she read it on his face.

“The evidence -- “ Rafael began.

“Is overwhelming. We have Armin’s semen. There’s vaginal and anal tearing. There’s bruises. Not to mention Ana’s testimony.”

“Ordinarily that would be enough. The defense is going to claim Ana is a whore who craves rough sex.”

He moved to sit beside her and take her hands, willing her to understand his position.

“She is a convicted murderer and terrorist,” Rafael said softly, holding her gaze. “Even if she is a victim.”

Olivia closed her eyes and leaned back. She didn’t know whether it was her pregnancy or the fact that this case all started with Lucy and Noah finding Ali in the park but she was exhausted by it and she felt like she was missing something that was right there in front of her. Something that could help Ana. 

“Okay, so we need more,” she murmured. 

“Liv.”

Here eyes snapped open.

“What about a video? Of Luke and Armin raping and beating her?”

Rafael narrowed his eyes. 

“Are you being sarcastic?”

“No. It exists. In the statement Ana gave Rollins, she said Luke used to record the brutality as a way of maintaining control over her. The problem is -- “

Rafael leaped to his feet.

“It’s on the locked phone!”

He dashed from the room.

“Where are you going?” she called after him.

“To request a hearing for first thing in the morning, because your doctor’s appointment is in the afternoon!”

Olivia relaxed against the pillows, rubbing her abdomen. She had forgotten all about the appointment. 

*****

“The good news is we won,” Rafael told her, striding into her room, loosening his tie as he did. “The bad news is they appealed.”

Olivia had gotten up and showered and dressed, waiting eagerly for his return from the early morning hearing with some phone company lawyers who, he told her, did not appear to be morning people.

“So it’s back to square one?”

“For a while. But I’m not certain the DA would support moving forward with this right now given the political climate.”

“But Ana deserves justice for what happened to her,” Olivia argued. “All she has left is her son. She just wants him to be safe. It’s all any mother wants.”

She put her hands on her belly and held his gaze before reaching for her phone.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to call Dodds and have him arrest that son of a bitch. Then you and I are going to my appointment.”

It was a while before they left the doctor’s office. He’d had an emergency at the hospital and they’d had to wait. But Olivia was given the go ahead to spend two hours a day out of bed, as long as no more than thirty minutes was spent on her feet and as long as she didn’t have any contractions or spotting. The smile on her face was worth the wait, Barba thought. It faded when she listened to the voicemail on her phone as they waited to schedule her next appointment in a month.

“Something wrong?”

When they arrived to arrest Armin, the feds were already there, taking him into custody,” she said with a frown. “Something about picking up chatter that he was talking to known radicals in Afghanistan.”

“But that’s good. If he’s in their hands, he can’t petition for custody of Ali.”

“Yes, but he’s still going to be in a foster home with Ana in jail.”

Rafael shook his head and put his hand at her back as they exited the office. The late afternoon August sun was hot. He hoped what he was about to tell her would restore her smile.

“Rita got in touch with Ana’s sister. She’s on her way to New York and is going to take Ali back to Bosnia to live there with her.”

“That’s wonderful!”

“And, Ana got to visit with him today. Let’s take a little walk. You still have a few minutes of time on your feet for today. Then we’ll go home and order pizza for dinner.”

Olivia linked her arm through his and leaned her head on his shoulder as they waited for the light to change. Over the traffic noise he heard her sniffle.

“Are you crying?”

“A little. That shouldn’t come as a surprise by now,” she replied with a small laugh.

“It doesn’t.” 

She bumped her shoulder against his as the light changed. Rafael gave her arm a squeeze.

“Ice cream before dinner?”

“I won’t tell Noah if you don’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably took some liberties with what a bodycam can do, but this is fanfictionland, where whatever we can dream up exists.
> 
> And now that Olivia is allowed out of bed a little more, expect more hovering from Barba.


End file.
